Giving Grace

Sometimes the hardest person for me to give grace to is…

…myself.

Anyone out there have this problem? I can give grace to most everyone else most of the time, but I am so hard on my own self.

Right now I am frustrated with myself for so many things including my weight, my two-week hiatus from exercise after a surgical procedure, my clothes not fitting the way they should, the way I see myself in the mirror, and that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my health. Don’t get me started about other areas.

But then I remember that today, my youngest turns 16. I birthed a 10 pound 1 ounce, 23-1/2 inch boy 16 years ago today. I carried this monster of an infant in my womb for 9-1/2 months and then nursed him for almost a year. I have chased him around, first on foot around the yard and numerous parks, and now in a car from soccer field to tennis court to band concert. I have ridden bikes around town with him, jumped with him on the trampoline, sat in the car with him as he learned to drive, and so much more.

And really, isn’t living what life is all about?

What if, instead of beating myself up about not being where I want to be physically, I reminded myself of all the things that this body has done for me over the years. What if, instead of frowning at my reflection in the mirror, I looked myself in the eye and saw the love and laughter that fills my eyes because of the amazing life I have been given. What if, instead of choosing to be frustrated with myself, I offered myself some grace.

This isn’t to say that I should just let myself go and be okay with it, but rather, be kind to myself as I continue to pursue health every day.

This quote, which is attributed to Jillian Michaels, is one that I have pinned on my Pinterest board – Health & Fitness – Ideas and Motivation. It is one of those that reminds me how crazy it is to get down on myself because I couldn’t exercise for two weeks, or because I had the medium instead of the small Bobby’s Frozen Custard. My body needed to recover from the surgical procedure, and I can start exercising again next week. I have only gone to Bobby’s ONCE this entire season, so I should let myself enjoy it.

So today I am going to celebrate all that my body has done for me, including giving birth to two amazing children, one of which we are celebrating today, and give myself grace rather than criticism.

I invite you to give yourself grace today (and everyday), in whatever area of your life that you struggle to do so. Let me know how it goes.

One in a Row

So, life has been a bit of a crap shoot lately when it comes to consistent exercise of any kind. Funny how three years of seminary can do that to a person. Exhaustion, health stuff, homework, and everything else have gotten in the way more often than I want to discuss.

BUT, since finishing seminary, I have been working harder at being consistent. Sometimes successfully, and sometimes not, but at least I am trying, right?!

PiYo will always be my soul-mate workout, but running will always be my first love. Ever since my meniscus surgery five years ago, I have been scared to do too much running for fear of another injury. Well, that and my favorite half marathon falls on the same weekend as prom here in Greenville, which my daughter has attended the last two years, so I haven’t had that race to work toward.

Image result for slower than a herd of turtles

In 2020, I don’t have a kid going to prom so I am thinking that it is time to do the Mini Indy again!

But that means I have to start running again. Regularly. And based on my life, that means I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn, (or pre-butt crack as one of my friends calls it) which is 5:00 a.m., to run. And let’s just say, I have grown accustomed to sleeping until much later in the morning.

I used to get up even earlier than 5:00 am to go run. I even remember a 2:30 Sunday morning wake-up for a 3:00 am long run when we were training for the Goofy. (BTW – Sunday early morning runs are the BEST because there is NO ONE out and about so you don’t have to worry about getting hit by a car, AND you get to see beautiful sunrises.)

I made a plan. I like my plan. It takes my training right up to 1/2 marathon week. The problem is executing the plan and actually getting out of bed at 5:00 a.m. when the alarm goes off AND staying awake through the entire day that is filled with various activities that require my being awake.

After three failed attempts this week, yesterday, with the help of a 2nd alarm, I did it! I got up! I ran! I felt great! The weather was perfect! I remembered why I love running!

But, as my life goes, yesterday was a VERY long day (a good one that included baby snuggles), and today, no such rising with the alarm.

Trisha Yearwood has a song called “One in a Row.” It has nothing to do with running, but I keep singing part of the chorus in my head: “That makes one in a row, one in a row, one in a row. One in a row.” At this point in my life I am taking one in a row as a good thing, a start, and the hope of two in a row coming very soon.

No matter what it is that you are working toward – an exercise routine, a meal-prep plan, a degree, not strangling your children, getting out of bed in the morning, reading a book, or some other challenge, I offer you this word of hope today – every time you accomplish even the smallest of tasks, give yourself a pat on the back for getting one in a row. And then do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

As for me, I am going to keep on pushing toward my goal of completing half-marathon number 16 in May 2020, and celebrating every one in a row that I can count.

Let It Begin

Mondays always feel like an opportunity to start fresh, but if you read my post from yesterday, you know I think every moment is an opportunity to do so, AND that I am at a point in my life where I am focusing in again on my health and wellness after a rough couple of years.

I also have recognized that I haven’t been writing the way that I need to be. Writing is how I process life, and how I sort through things I am learning. This is understandable as over the last 3+ years I have been only writing papers for seminary that were REQUIRED, and of course sermons to preach that were NECESSARY. But I miss writing for fun and just because I want to write!

So, in addition to getting back on track with my health and fitness, I am going to work on getting back on track with blogging as well. So, let’s kick it off with Music Monday!

This morning, as I was sitting in my contemplative corner listening to some music at the start of my devotion time, anticipating re-starting my soulmate workout that kick-started my weight loss a few years ago, thinking about some things the Lord has stirring in my spirit, and even wondering what I might do for today’s post, this song came on and it felt like a gift just for me this morning. Take a listen. See if maybe it re-lights a fire in you to stop waiting and start taking a chance on something new!

This Could Change Everything
Francesca Battistelli

There’s a fire inside, you can feel it burning
It’s a neon light glowing like a furnace
And the night is long but the world keeps turning
You gotta know it, it’s not the end

Every new sunrise is one step closer
It’s a sign in the sky that the fight’s not over
So face the world, it’s now or never
This is the moment, let it begin

This could change everything
Can you feel it now, something’s in the air?
This could change everything
I know we’re gonna know it when we get there
No more waiting, I’m taking the chance
This could change everything
Let it begin

See the world outside in technicolor
Be the one who paints outside the numbers
Like a child who is lost in wonder
I don’t wanna lose it, I’m breathing it in

This could change everything
Can you feel it now, something’s in the air?
This could change everything
I know we’re gonna know it when we get there
No more waiting, I’m taking the chance
This could change everything
Let it begin

You can feel it coming like a flood
Wash over us, wash over us
Let the future we’ve been dreaming up
Wash over us, wash over us
You can feel it coming like a flood
Wash over us, wash over us
Let the future we’ve been dreaming up
Wash over us, wash over us

This could change everything
Can you feel it now, something’s in the air?
This could change everything
I know we’re gonna know it when we get there
No more waiting, I’m taking the chance
This could change everything
Let it begin

Life Happens

It’s true. Life happens. And it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY.

When I look at the pictures of my transformation between June 2014 and July 2015 I absolutely love it. But when I look at myself four years later, I don’t like it much at all. I worked so hard to lose that 50 pounds, and I kept it off for a long time. But then life happened.

  • 3+ years of Seminary on top of work and family = STRESS
  • Loss of my father = GRIEF
  • Bouts of depression and anxiety =DAILY STRUGGLE
  • 3+ months of illness = NO EXERCISE

And all of this led to me eating things I had previously removed from my normal eating patterns. Many days I didn’t have it in me to get off of the couch to make one healthy meal, much less meal prep for the week as was my habit.

For most of the last four years I continued to work out, while trying my best to fight the urges to eat things like ice cream covered in caramel and tortilla chips covered in cheese, but the culmination of seminary paired with an extended illness even took that away from me, and it wasn’t long before my clothes weren’t fitting right again.

The good news is that the healthy habits I have created over the years paired with the things that I have learned through my journey are never lost, and every minute of every day is an opportunity to embrace what I know to be true and live into that truth.

Since I have been feeling better, I have added exercise back into my routine, and have been slowly working my way back to my norm of five to six workouts per week. It has been HARD, but I am trying and will get there. I have also gotten back to tracking EVERY SINGLE THING that goes into my mouth. This is also hard, but a necessary piece of the weight-loss puzzle that will get me back to where I want to be.

It would be easy (and has been) to beat myself up for eating things I typically choose not to eat, and for skipping workouts. It would be easy (and has been) to cringe every single time I look in the mirror or delete every picture that made me feel fat.

But I refuse to let set-backs be what define me.

There’s a saying out there that says, “fall down seven times, stand up eight.” When life happens, we don’t have to succumb to the fall, we can and should always get back up.

Anne of Green Gables is one of my favorite book series and movie series and it includes this saying: “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.” In other words, it’s never too late for a fresh start.

So here’s to standing back up, making a fresh start, and not letting the stuff of life get the better of us.

The Ultimate Challenge

We wore these bracelets for 21 Days to remind us of what we were doing and why we were doing it.

On February 8, 2017, I started a journey.

The winter of 2016-17 has been rough. Some circumstances in the fall led to a depressive dip for me. It was bad enough that some old habits I thought I had broken crept back into my life.

I knew what was happening, but it felt like I was powerless to stop it. I was so down on myself about allowing it to happen, that it kept getting worse.

So I decided that I needed to face what felt like the ultimate depression and ultimate bad habits with an ultimate challenge: Beachbody’s Ultimate Reset.

The Ultimate Reset is 21 days of food and supplements to help detox the body and reset it to the ways in which it was meant to operate.

I was scared. But I was determined. And I found six other women who were just as determined so we decided to walk alongside one another throughout the 21 days in a FB Messenger group.

What I found immediately was how my body needed this time: it had missed the real foods I usually nourished it with. I also remembered just how much I need to spend time preparing my food as it is a natural stress reliever to be in the kitchen chopping and cooking.

Was it difficult? Of course! I got sick less than a week into the program and fought the cold turned sinus infection for the remainder of the program. Some days I was so tired and worn out that it took everything in me to get up and prepare the food. Some days I had to force myself to put the food in my mouth out of sheer exhaustion. But every time I wanted to quit, or cheat, I reminded myself why I was doing this and checked in with my support posse who encouraged me every time.

By part-way into week two, I was feeling tons of extra energy (despite the sickness) and just “lighter” overall. It was actually fun to try some new foods and recipes that I wouldn’t have considered before (and I am an adventurous cook).

At the end of 21 days, I am down 12.8 pounds and 5-1/2 inches, but most importantly, I am relieved of those pesky cravings for junk food and have a renewed focus on eating real food. Oh, and that pesky depression? It is improving as well.

I have decided that at this point in my (busy) life, filled with family, work, school, ministry, volunteer work, and more, I NEED the structure of a PLAN because I can’t be trusted to my own devices. For this reason, I will be working hard to MEALS each week, as well as WORKOUTS each week so that I can continue the momentum I have started.

I have said it before and I will say it again: caring for our bodies isn’t a one and done proposition, rather it is an ongoing process. If we don’t take care of ourselves, no one is going to do it for us and sometimes we just need to be reminded of that truth.

The Ultimate Reset was a great reminder, challenge, and reset for me.

If you are interested in doing something like the Ultimate Reset, I can help you get started. 

Summer of Fitness: In Search of the Six-Pack

Summer of FitnessSometimes amazing things happen.

After years of watching me workout and not wanting to have anything to do with it, except what she had to do for volleyball/cheer/track, my daughter has decided that this summer she and I will be working out together. Daily.

After years of watching me set goals and work towards them and not wanting to do so herself, my daughter has set a goal for herself which is why she is willing to work out with her mother. Daily.

After years of watching me eat right and do my best to eschew junk food… Oh, who am I kidding, she’s not quite there yet.

Anne has decided that she wants to have six-pack abs by the time she goes back to school this fall.

Anne has decided that she wants to stay in shape for – are you ready for this? – THE REST OF HER LIFE!

When we were taking a run the other day (a run that she totally kicked my butt at), she told me that my pace was so slow compared to what she was used to running. I told her that when she was 42 and running with her 15-year-old daughter, she would see that her pace would be slower than her daughter’s pace as well. Her reply was along the lines of, “Nope. Cuz I am going to stay in shape. That’s why I am working out with you.”

You guys, you have NO IDEA how awesome it is to see your teenage daughter starting to get the importance of a healthy body! Add to that, my SON has agreed to daily workouts as well (as long as they aren’t ‘PiYo or 21-Day Fix or anything like that”), so push-ups, sit-ups and running are his daily dose of fitness.

This morning, this title jumped into my head and I texted it to Anne as a name for our summer challenge. Her responseDo I have abs yet?e? “LOL! YASSS!!!”

This was yesterday’s text.

The answer is yes. And no. We have the abs, and they are strong. But they aren’t to six-pack status because they need to be stronger, they need to be defined, and yes, they need to be not covered up by a layer of fat. And that means more work, both in the workout and eating portion of our Summer of Fitness.

So here’s to working out with my daughter, having my son join in the fitness routines, and FINALLY seeing that being an example to my family DOES PAY OFF!

I will keep you posted throughout the summer on our quest for the six-pack and the joys and struggles of working out with your teenage daughter!

 

Knees or Buns

Knees or BunsHere I go again! Showing you a glimpse of Savor by Shauna Niequist! But this time we are talking about CHOICES!

I love this story about parents insisting that their child sit at the table, but in a way that gives the child a choice of how to sit – on his knees or on his buns. It makes the child feel like he has some say in the matter and empowers them.

Guess what? This doesn’t just work for kids.

That’s right! It works for us, too!

The choice isn’t whether or not to work out; it is which workout we want to do.

The choice isn’t get up and workout or sleep in and skip; it is get up and do the longer workout or get up a little later and do a shorter one (or set a no-excuses time later in the day).

The choice isn’t healthy food or crap; it is which healthy food.

The choice isn’t all or nothing; it is get it done using plan A or plan B.

When we give ourselves choices between healthy habits, it empowers us to keep working toward our goals, even when we need to make adjustments for life.

Just this morning, my running partner was up late doing homework and decided she wasn’t going to make it for our run. At that point I had a choice. Plan A was run and then do my Hammer and Chisel workout for the day. Plan B was sleep a little longer, skip the run, but get up and do the Hammer and Chisel workout. Plan C was sleep even longer and do Hammer and Chisel after I had been to the hairdresser and had my hair newly cut and colored. Well, I was tired, but I didn’t want to mess up my hair later, so I chose Plan B. I probably could have done plan A and been just fine on sleep for the day, but I needed a little leeway this morning so Plan B it was. And you notice, none of my plans included skipping working out today.

I’ve said it before, our minds are powerful things, and if we train them to think along these lines, we will be much better off in the long run because we won’t lose a battle with ourselves.

What kinds of choices do you give yourself when it comes to your health? Are you an all or nothing kind of person? Or do you give yourself healthy choices? I want to hear from you!

The Dangers of Individualism

IndividualismI know what you are thinking. “What the heck is she talking about? It is good that I am an individual! That makes me my own person, different from everyone else, able to stand out from the crowd and makes what I have to offer the world special!”

And that is all true. We do need to lean into our giftings and our talents. We do need to make sure that we are not just trying to “fit in” and be like everyone else around us. But there are some aspects of our individualistic societal norms that are hurting us, and lately I have been bombarded with the reality of this.

Years ago, it was a common thing to hear, “it takes a village to raise a child,” and it was not only a saying, but a reality. If a child was misbehaving, it was common to see whatever adult that was around take care of the situation by stepping in and offering the necessary correction. That was because the name of the game was community. Everyone was looking out for the good of the community.

When the focus is on what is best for the community (any size – large or small, family unit or social unit) the criteria for decision-making is different from when the focus is on what is best for the individual. With one it is all about the group. With the other it is all about “me.”

When the focus becomes all about “me,” certain things begin to happen. No longer does anyone else matter. No longer does anyone else even make it into the decision-making process. When the focus is all about “me,” the basic tenets of The Golden Rule are all but forgotten.

“She did it to me, so I am going to do it to her.”

“He isn’t meeting my needs, so why should I meet his?”

“This makes me feel good, so who cares who it hurts in the process.”

This is the mindset of the individual who has lost the ability to live in community.

It is this mindset that is dangerous to our society.

When this mindset permeates a community, a major breakdown of that community occurs, and I think we are increasingly seeing the results of that breakdown in both social and family units.

The school parking lot is one area in which I see this at work. Parents are so focused on their to-do list and where they have to be that they can’t stop to let a child cross in front of their car, much less let another parent pull into the line in front of them.

I see this happening in families where the parents are so focused on themselves that the kids are left to their own devices, which not only models to the children that they can make life all about themselves, but also breaks down the family unit into a group of individuals rather than a collective, which is what the family should be.

I see this happening with kids who have never been taught respect for other people because they have parents who have raised them to believe that life is all about themselves and what they want. And I see adults who think they can bully and intimidate anyone to get what they want, because they think they are entitled to it.

I see this happening in relationships where one spouse doesn’t feel like they are getting their needs met, and instead of reaching out and working to meet the needs of their spouse, they go looking elsewhere to get what they think they need, never mind the potential (and inevitable) destruction of at least one other person.

I see this happening when it comes to health. This attitude of “I deserve to eat whatever I want whenever I want,” despite how it affects others is part of the problem with the obesity crisis in our country. Never mind how one’s health effects their family. Never mind how one’s chronic disease affects everyone else’s health care costs.

I see this happening when it comes to business. “We can go ahead and market this food (or any other item) that we know is terrible for people because we are only concerned about our bottom line, not how it affects people; and even if it does harm them in some way, we can blame them for not taking responsibility for themselves.”

But one of the saddest places I see this happening is in the church. “I know right from wrong and I know that I am good when it comes to my faith and relationship with God, and that is enough. I don’t need to help anyone else. I don’t need to offer them hope. I don’t need to give to the work of the Lord, because I need want the money more.”

I could go on and on with the ways that individualism is detrimental to our society, but I think you get the point. I hope you get the point.

During this season of Lent, I have been thinking about self-denial, preaching about self-denial, and now blogging about self-denial. As a follower of Christ, I am told to take up my cross, deny myself, and follow Christ. That means that my needs don’t come first. In fact, they come third. God and others come before me. My to-do list takes a back seat to God’s. My wants take a back seat to serving others. That is not always a fun place to be. Sometimes I feel stressed out and taken advantage of when I am living life this way; but every time God provides what I need – whether that is time to accomplish a task, rest, someone to care for me, or just a reminder that I am doing what He has called me to do.

I am trying. I am learning. I am working to teach my children. Life is not all about me. Life is not all about them. The way we view life, the way we make decisions, and the way we contribute to society has to be done through the eyes of the community and not through the eyes of individualism. That is the only way that our society will thrive, and as goes the community, we go as well.

 

Monday Musings – Again

It’s Monday! And I have so many things going through my head!

So welcome to the randomness of my brain today!

  • I am IN LOVE with a new shampoo and conditioner. It is called Purology. I am currently using Strength Cure and I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time my hair was this healthy – and I have been using only salon products on it for years. It is a little more pricy than some products, BUT you only have to use the tiniest amount. My previous shampoo and conditioner had a pump and i would pump THREE TIMES to get enough to get a good lather with the shampoo and cover all of my hair with the conditioner. With Purology, I use maybe a dime-to-nickel sized dollop and have PLENTY! If you are in the Greenville, Illinois area, go see Fay at Absolutely You and get some!
  • I am pretty sure the absolute best way to start a Monday morning is with a good sweat and PiYo. I always feel so much better after a workout, and I am ready to take on the world.
  • March starts tomorrow. It is my birthday month. I have maintained my current weight for a number of months now and I am ready to start moving downward again. The winter layers of clothing are going to start coming off soon, and I want to get my body ready for summer! I have a plan. I have shared my plan with a couple of other people (because if you don’t share your plan, there is no one to hold you accountable), and I am ready to EXECUTE IT! No more excuses. No more junk food. No more staying in bed instead of working out. No more short-cuts. The only way to get from one point to another is to MOVE, and I am on the move. Anyone out there want to come with me? I can help you with a plan, just sent me a message!
  • About six weeks ago I bought a juicer. I LOVE it! I have been making some kind of juice about once a day just to get some more nutrients in and hopefully reap some detoxification benefits. I did a three-day partial juice fast last week (I had Shakeology for breakfast and I ate dinner every day with fruit/vegetable juices in between) to try to help reset my system after having the flu the previous week. It was great. If you know me, you know that I am all about consistent, disciplined, healthy eating – not crash diets and fads. In other words, I don’t think going on an all-juice fast for an extended period of time is necessarily the best thing for everyone (there may be some cases where that would be recommended by a doctor), but I do think there are some benefits to adding fresh juice to our diets and I am enjoying experimenting with various concoctions!
  • Finally, it is LEAP DAY! Let’s talk about LEAPS! I feel like I am leaping all over the place these days, stepping out and up in ways that I never dreamed possible, but one of the biggest ones right now is volunteering to organize and direct the Vine to Wine 1/2 Marathon and 5K coming in September. I have organized many events and run many races, but never done anything quite this big. I am excited. And a little scared. But I like it. Life without challenges isn’t really living and I am up for it.

Your turn! What is one of the BIGGEST leaps you have taken or want to take in your life – any area?

Running with My Dreams

Oh. My. Word.

Or to quote Liz Lemon, “What the What?”

I never, ever dreamed I would do it.

Sure, I thought it would be a great idea, and I LOVE creating events and such, but I just didn’t think it would be a part of my reality.

But it is.

I have thought for years that we needed a running club in Greenville.

And I have always thought it would be great to host a big running event in Greenville.

And BOTH of these things are happening as we speak.

An impromptu New Year’s Day group run had a friend voice what I had been thinking, “we should start a running club in Greenville.” And that was enough for me to decide that 2016 was going to be the year.

bocoruncologo

Five awesomely fun 10K runs at wineries around the Indianapolis area and befriending the race director, along with a new winery opening up in town had me thinking it would be so cool to do a wine run here in town. A few conversations later and the Vine to Wine 1/2 Marathon and 5K is becoming a reality.

Me. The girl who didn’t want to call herself a runner for a long time. Pulling people together to, of all things, run.

I am thrilled. I am ecstatic. I am so excited for the future.

It is a beautiful thing to see your dreams becoming reality.

Live in or around Bond County Illinois and want to join BoCo RunCo? Visit our website for details on how to join!

Like to run (or walk) and want to do a great 1/2 marathon or 5K? Register for the Vine to Wine 1/2 Marathon and 5K on September 10, 2016!

Curious about how a high school runner who became a non-runner got back to being a runner? Read my story here!