Less than a week out from surgery and if you ask me how I am doing and I say I’m doing fine – call me on it because I am lying. The truth is, while I am definitely anxious about the surgery and the recovery and whatever treatment comes next (before diving in to more surgeries), I am also anxious about something else.
Help.
I have so much I want to have done before surgery:
- house (spotlessly) clean
- spring yard work (perfectly) done
- patio and deck prepped and ready so I can enjoy it while I am recovering
- loose ends tied up at the office for my time away
The list could go on and on.
And let’s just acknowledge the fact that right after I got the cancer diagnosis, I also started a Doctor of Ministry program, so between those two things, I am behind on the basic upkeep of all of the above, which makes me embarrassed to invite people into my home that isn’t up to my normal standards of order and cleanliness.
Thankfully, I have friends who are being very good to push me to do something that I don’t do easily.
Ask for help.
Yesterday, I messaged a friend and asked her why it was so hard for me to ask for help. She told me three things:
- You are used to being the care-giver, not the care-receiver .
- You like being in control and not feeling vulnerable.
- You don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
And she’s absolutely not wrong. But one of the things I am learning through this process is that people really do want to help, and by not asking for help, I am robbing them of an opportunity to care for me and be of help in a situation in which they, too, feel quite helpless on my behalf. Not to mention, as a pastor, I think it is important to model asking for help when needed, and it is important for me to understand how hard it is for others to ask for help.
So, yesterday, I asked for help. And today a number of my friends are coming over to help me knock out my long list of to-dos before next week’s surgery. Am I grateful? Absolutely. Am I an anxious mess? Of course I am. Am I embarrassed about the current level of disarray in my yard and house? You betcha. But, am I doing my best to let go of all of that in order to both lessen my stress and invite those who love me to help in a tangible way? I’m trying.
Here’s to asking for help, and receiving it with grace and humility.
If you want to keep up with information about surgery or find ways that you can help us out, head over to https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/V5A7Q4H.