Category: Books

Life is…

How would you finish this sentence?

Here are some of the endings I thought of:

  • good
  • short
  • strange
  • beautiful
  • a highway
  • hard
  • a journey
  • an adventure
  • complicated
  • difficult
  • expensive
  • fun
  • wonderful
  • precious
  • messy
  • colorful
  • cruel
  • unfair
  • yours
  • a dream
  • eternal

Today I have been bombarded with the fragility of life. First thing this morning I saw no fewer than six different posts on Facebook about loss of loved ones. Six.

Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, spouses, cousins, and friends whose earthly life is over. My heart is breaking for those who are facing these losses right now. I’ve been there and I know that it is hard in ways you can’t even comprehend until you are in the mist of the grief.

Of all of these losses, there is one that hit me like a punch in the gut this morning. We were just talking about him last night. The last update we saw just over a week ago was positive. We thought things were going well. And then suddenly they weren’t. And then this morning, we learned that he was gone, his fight over.

This one is tough for so many reasons. We shouldn’t be saying goodbye to friends our age. Of the four guys who stood up with Mike at our wedding, this is the second one we have lost to brain cancer. B was one of the most fun-loving people I have ever met in my life. My heart breaks for his wife and family who now have to find a new normal.

One of the questions that gets asked at times like these is, “why?” Why did this have to happen? Why do young people have to die? Why this person? Why now? Why? Why? Why?

And the thing is, the answer to this question is almost always, “I don’t know.” Which isn’t really an answer at all. In this life there will always be good and bad, joy and sorrow, gain and loss; it is simply the result of living in a world where sin entered through the choices of humankind, and with it brought darkness, pain, and trouble.

Perhaps the most troublesome issue in all of life is this, what we call the problem of evil, or more accurately the question of why a good God allows bad things to happen. (The theological term for this is theodicy, in case you wanted to know. If you didn’t want to know, you can be like my son and say, “thanks, but I don’t remember asking.” I won’t hear you, but you can say it.)

Theologians have attempted to reconcile the good God, bad things dilemma for centuries and there are all kinds of ways to address the issues and questions raised, (don’t worry, I’m not gonna pull out the theology books and get into the nitty gritty here) and yet, humanity still struggles with this conundrum. Why? Because pain hurts. Sorrow hurts. Loss hurts. And no one likes to hurt. And because no one likes to hurt, we look for ways to place blame, and for some, the easiest place to lay blame is on God.

One of the scriptures that we often use to talk about how Christians can go on living in the midst of troubles is John 16:33. here are just a few of the ways that this scripture is translated/paraphrased:

In other words, in the midst of anything and everything that the world can throw at you, you can still have peace and be confident that all will turn out for the best because the work of Jesus Christ has already taken care of it all. Here is where it get’s tricky to understand, though: while Christ has already overcome the world, we don’t see it. It’s already done, and yet it’s not fully evident to our eyes yet. And to live in the space between requires us to have faith.

When I was still a pretty small child, I spent a lot of time reading and memorizing passages in the bible. King James Version of course. This passage that speaks of the nature of faith was one of them:

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

What I love most about this particular verse in this particular translation is the fact that faith is considered EVIDENCE. Our faith comes as a result of believing certain things are true about our God and our Savior, and that faith is EVIDENT in the way that we live our lives in light of those things that are unseen with human eyes.

Let me give you an example of this kind of faith (that also happens to brag on my mom a little.)

My dad passed away suddenly almost three years ago now. It was a HUGE blow to all of us, but was hardest for my mom, who lost her husband of nearly 45 years, less than a week before celebrating their 45th Wedding Anniversary. My parents did nearly everything together, and while they had been living in Greenville for a few years at that point, they didn’t have the roots here like they would have in Taylorville where they lived a big chunk of their married life.

Mom’s faith is what got her through those early days, and what still gets her through today. She misses my dad greatly, but she believes not only that Dad is with the Lord, but that God loves and cares for her every day. She has made new friends, created new routines, reached out to others, and at times I think she has a more active social life than I do. She also believes that God can (and does) use their story as a way to show others the saving power and grace of Jesus Christ. Her faith in God and the power of God’s story in their lives led her to write a book, and work hard to get the book published in order to share it with as many people as possible.

This is what faith looks like for her. This book (and so much more in her life) is just one piece of EVIDENCE that points to her deep faith and hope found in Jesus Christ.

While life can be all of those things listed at the top of this post, and much more, today I choose to finish this sentence this way:

Life is an opportunity in which to live lives of faith that is EVIDENT in all that we say and do.

How would you finish this sentence today? Leave a comment or send me a message and let’s talk!

Playing Detective

This year for Christmas, two of my friends and I went in on a group gift – one year of Hunt a Killer fun. Each month, we receive a box with clues to help us figure out who committed murder. The boxes are serial in nature, so for six months the storyline is continued from month-to-month, and then the second six months we will have a new storyline. We have done the first two boxes and we LOVE it. It is so much fun, especially for those of us who like procedural TV dramas like Criminal Minds, Elementary, Bones, Law and Order SVU, and more.

In each of the first two boxes, our task was to eliminate a suspect based on timelines and corroborating evidence. Using our very own murder board (a $2 bulletin board we got at the thrift store), we were able to correctly identify the two suspects, out of the nine possible, who are NOT responsible for murder.

Playing detective is fun, especially when you get to spend time with friends who are also focused on solving the same mystery you are.

Lately, I feel as if I am also playing detective in other areas of my life. Not to identify a murderer, but rather to identify the next steps in my journey. This kind of detective work isn’t nearly as fun.

Last week, I was certified ready to receive a call, which, in the Presbyterian Church USA means that I can begin looking for a place where I will be ordained and installed as a Minister of Word and Sacrament (fancy title for pastor).

A preliminary search on the denominational website lists well over 200 churches across the country which meet the criteria of my search. My initial reaction was (and kind of still is) one of being completely overwhelmed. How in the world am I supposed to read about these churches and know whether or not they would be a good fit for me and I for them? How do I even begin to find the “clues” that point me in the right direction? What criteria will I use to help me make the decision? How does this affect my family and what do I do when it comes to making sure they are part of the decision-making process?

Yesterday, as I read a chapter in Enter by the Gate, by Flora Slosson Wuellner, the very first sentence hit me right in the heart: “When the true Shepherd guides us, a gate will open before us, leading to a wider place.”

In this chapter, Wuellner talks about praying about a problem, placing it in God’s hands, and then alertly waiting to see what happens. She acknowledges that there are most definitely other guidelines to consider as we are making choices, but that paying special attention to little or big changes that occur after praying about a situation is often how we hear from God.

She tells a story later in the chapter that grabbed my attention as well:

“I stepped into a gambling casino once to make a phone call. the flashing strobe lights and the harsh music didn’t horrify me nearly as much as the fixed, intense gaze on the faces of the people working the machines. Like sleepwalkers, most of the them were closed off, deaf to any other interest, any other person. The casino had no windows. Customers could not see the sky, the trees, the clouds, or any natural light. They were narrowed down to one thing, the money machine in front of them. I still carry this inner picture, symbolic of all our addictive prisons of the spirit, which are any fixations that close us off to God’s world around us.”

Flora Slosson Wuellner, Enter by the Gate

Sometimes in crime dramas you see a particular police officer that is sure that a certain person is guilty, so sure that they cannot see that the evidence points elsewhere. Their focus is way too narrow and actually impedes the process of the investigation.

The thing is, having a world of opportunities ahead of me isn’t a bad thing because it opens my eyes to a bigger picture of the many ways that God could lead and helps me to see beyond the safe, easy options that could close me off to something amazing. I don’t want to impede the work of the Holy Spirit by having too narrow of a focus.

For that reason, I will continue to pray for God’s leading and guiding. After all, Jesus told us, “Ask and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” (Matthew 7:7)

“Loving guide, my true Shepherd, I give [this process] to your hand and heart. Show me the open gate. I know you hear me and that a way is opening for me. I give you thanks.”

Flora Slosson Wuellner, Enter by the Gate

Amen.

Are there choices or decisions that are looming for you? Do you feel like you don’t have the tools and information to make the “right” choice? Or are you so focused on what you want that you aren’t seeing other things that God has placed in your path? How about taking it to God in prayer today.

Feel free to comment or send me a message if you want to chat!

Pick the Fruit

Happy New Year!

I know, I am a week late, but this is the first moment I have had to sit down and write the post that has been on my heart for a few days.

I don’t know about you, but for me, the start of a new year holds so much promise for something new. Especially when I am coming off of a year that seemed to be a struggle. If you have read my blog long, you know that something I work on regularly is gratitude, which has truly changed the way I look at life. Most of the time.

But there are always those times when I am sick, tired, overwhelmed, or frustrated, and my focus on gratitude falters. That happened some in 2019, and to be honest, more than once I may have said that I was just done with 2019.

Yet, while there were definitely struggles in a number of areas, there were also many joys and much fun in 2019. I think that is one of the reasons that the book I am currently reading, and this one section in particular has just stayed with me the last few days.

I was given the book, Searching for Happiness, by Martin Thielen, and it has been my “before bed” book since the start of the year. (I almost always have a non-fiction book that I can read a chapter of before bed. If I try to read fiction before bed, I stay up way too late.) In chapter two, Thielen recounts a story he heard from John Claypool about his grandfather.

For decades a beautiful plum tree stood in the backyard of John Claypool’s grandfather’s house. The tree was the prize of the farmer and the pride of John’s grandfather. Then one day a tornado swept through the community. the storm destroyed many trees, including that plum tree. The violent winds ripped the tree from its roots and left it lying lifeless on its side. After the tornado blew over, people ventured outside to survey the damage. Before long a few neighborhood men gathered in John Claypool’s grandfather’s yard. They stood in a silent circle, gazing down at the once beautiful plum tree, now ruined beyond repair. Finally, one of the men asked John’s granddaddy, “What are you going to do with that tree?” After a long pause the old man replied, “I’m going to pick the fruit and burn the rest.”

Martin Thielen

“I’m going to pick the fruit and burn the rest.”

This simple statement is so profound that I can’t stop thinking about it.

What if we looked at yesterday that way? What if we looked at 2019 that way? What if we looked at our whole life that way?

Looking at what is good, what brought joy, what inspired hope, what we learned and how we grew, but letting the other stuff go is picking the fruit and burning the rest.

So, what fruit are you “picking” from 2019?

For me it is things like graduating from seminary the same weekend my daughter graduated from high school, a girls weekend in Memphis, a 3-family trip to Southhaven, Michigan, a family trip to Gulf Shores, Alabama, a great Vine to Wine 1/2 Marathon and 5K, my son turning 16 and getting his license, a wonderful internship experience at First Presbyterian Church Edwardsville, Illinois, an amazing family, a great group of friends, lots of books read and lessons learned.

And as I move into 2020, I will continue to learn to enjoy the fruit. I hope you will as well.

It’s Time for Change

I like to read. Anyone who knows me is aware of this. And I like to read lots of different things. Sometimes I am into memoirs. Sometimes romantic suspense. Sometimes non-fiction. Sometimes classics.

Last week I finished reading Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I thought I had read it when I was younger, but apparently not, because it was not familiar to me at all. I loved it and had a hard time putting it down.

The real reason I read it was because I was told about March by Geraldine Brooks, the story of the girls’ father from Little Women. So of course, the minute I finished Little Women, I picked up March.

Yes, the story is told by another author, so it is her imagination at work, but nevertheless, I am having the same issue with this book – I can’t put it down.

But what is drawing me in more than anything is the fact that Mr. March is an abolitionist whose convictions led him to sign up as a chaplain in the Civil War.

I am only about half-way through the book, but the character of Mr. March in regards to his position on slavery is fascinating and inspiring. Standing up for what he believes is right, even when others disagree, sometimes very harshly; working to help the slaves – whether still in servitude or “freed” (escaped, conscripted to work for a minimal wage for the union – not exactly free); this man not only believed that slavery was wrong, he did what he could to back up that belief and treat all as those who bear the image of God.

Fast forward to today. Yes, slavery is no longer legal. Yes, we have granted rights to people of all skin colors. But have we really moved that much past the time in which fictional Mr. March was living?

I sat in a gathering of Christian women recently, in a breakout session about racism. I was stunned to hear some of the questions that these (white) women had about the issue. When our presenter made a comment about our Constitution being racist, people were shocked and didn’t understand what she meant. When she said that black people could be prejudiced against whites, but not racist because racism implies power and privilege, I could feel the discomfort and lack of understanding in the room.

In the last few years, issues of racism, not just individual but systemic, have once again been brought to the forefront with events like those that happened just down the road from me in Ferguson, Missouri. As far as we have come since President Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation, and since Martin Luther King, Jr. and “I Have a Dream,” it is not far enough.

As a white woman, I cannot fully understand the struggles that my black brothers and sisters have to deal with on a daily basis. I don’t have to wonder when my son leaves the house if he will come back home alive. I don’t have to worry that he might get passed over for a job because of the color of his skin. And it breaks my heart that this is the reality in our country.

Issues around race (which is a human construct – not God’s because we were all created as the human race), are complex. They are hard to understand – especially for those who have never had to deal with them. They are even harder to address because of the ways in which they have been built into our country from the beginning. (Remember how when the white Europeans came to this country they kicked the indigenous people off the land they had been living on for years?)

But here’s the thing. Just because it is hard, doesn’t mean it is not worth it. And God has told us over and over in the Bible that we are to be about the business of lifting up the oppressed and downtrodden.

Also at this women’s meeting, a young black woman, Glynis Brooks, came and portrayed the story of Harriet Tubman. It was one of the most amazing things that I had ever seen. The fear, the cruelty, the bravery, and the determination of this woman as she escaped from slavery, and then led others in their escape through the Underground Railroad inspired me and broke my heart all at the same time.

I was asked in the small group gathering about racism why I attended that particular breakout. My answer was this: I can’t know firsthand what my black brothers and sisters experience on a daily basis, but I can listen to their stories, I can educate myself about what they face, I can acknowledge my privilege, I can speak out about the injustice that I see, and I can hopefully help those with the power to change the system to see what I see: that we haven’t come far enough and we have more work to do.

From Silence to Speaking

Prayer in Times of Conflict

O God, you have bound us together in a common life. Help us,
in the midst of our struggles for justice and truth, to confront
one another without hatred or bitterness, and to work
together with mutual forbearance and respect; through Jesus
Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church

I have been quiet lately. Ok, I have been quiet for a long time when it comes to this blog. Life has been, let’s say, a chaos of my own making. What that really means is that I was the one who said, “yes” when God said, “go to seminary.” For the last 2-1/2 years I have been continuing my life as wife, mother, housekeeper (although I should probably be fired from that one), Growth & Nurture Leader, race director, and friend (even though I sometimes have failed at that one) while attempting to keep my head above water in a great but challenging Master of Divinity program. How’s that going, you ask? Well, let’s just say I will be done December 10, but who’s counting?

I have loved seminary. From the friends I have made to the professors that have influenced me to the subjects that have challenged me, I have loved seminary. But it has been a challenging time. Between the rigors of classes – time management, paper writing, reading (and then reading some more) – and the constant nature of life, including the grief of losing my dad – there have been times of struggle, joy, hardship and hope. And even now there is anticipation and uncertainty about what God’s plans are for my family and I as we near the completion of the ordination process in the PC(USA). You know what happens in times like this? Anxiety.

Anxiety isn’t necessarily good or bad. In fact it can be both and it can be neutral. It is our response to anxiety that is the real issue. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in our country right now. Turn on the TV and you are bombarded by political ads. Turn on the radio and get more of the same. Drive down the street and see signs in yards all around you. Sit in a restaurant and hear people talking about who to vote for. Scroll through Facebook and feel the anxiety rise.

The other day, I saw a friend post an article on Facebook. It was a good article with good points to think about. But what got me was the conversation (or confrontation) that then happened in the comments section under the post. Here was a post by a Christian friend, meant to share some insight, with comments by another Christian friend that didn’t just take issue with the article, but took issue with the poster’s personal convictions and viewpoint. Now, I know this is nothing new, this is what seems to be happening everywhere and social media is just one of the arenas where people seem to be unable to interact in ways that build up instead of tear down, but this particular incident just won’t let me sit back and stay silent any longer.

The assigned reading for one of my fall classes spoke directly to what I was feeling today as it took on the idea of “We versus They.” See if any of these things sound familiar to you:

  • “What creates polarization is not the actual content of the issue on which a ‘family’ splits. It is rather emotional processes that foster conflict of wills (efforts to convert one another).”
  • “Unfortunately, today’s polarization is maintained by a bold competitiveness. The goal of conflict is to win. No thought is given to ‘we sink or swim together.’ Instead, one party swims and the other must sink.”
  • “Conflict is no longer a time for learning but for conquering. Domination supplants education. Civility and courtesy give way to sneers and shouting.”
  • “People function at the level of the primitive brain, breaking everything into this or that, black or white, plus or minus.”
  • “Behaviors become more aggressive–shouting down the opposite side, belittling them, using in-your-face tactics to intimidate…”
  • “Bogged down in a standoff, people are apt to use conflict as a way of carrying out a competition, rather than as education. The situation becomes increasingly negative and hostile.”

Steinke, Peter L. Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times:
Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What

I don’t know about you, but I felt like the author was writing about the political and social climate we live in, rather than what happens in churches when there is conflict. These are the kinds of responses that I see happening all around me, and I am pretty sure that most of you could say the same.

When we dig in our heels and determine that we are right, no matter what, we essentially cut ourselves off from learning anything new, seeing anyone else’s point of view as valid, and ultimately from fostering relationships with anyone whose viewpoint differs from our own. And I’m gonna say it: that includes God.

“But,” you might say, “God is on my side!” WRONG! Regardless of what side you are on, it has nothing to do with what side God is on. In the Facebook thread I noted earlier, someone used this quote from Abraham Lincoln:

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.

Abraham Lincoln

Now, on the internet you can find lots of quotes from lots of people and some of them are correctly attributed to their authors, and some are not, but regardless of whether or not this is actually something that Abraham Lincoln himself said, there is some striking truth to the statement. Shouldn’t we be looking for where God is at work and partnering with God there instead of assuming that we know what God’s stance is on this, that or the other? Shouldn’t our response to the issues that plague us today be to jump in and bring peace, justice and hope, rather than simply criticize the powers that be?

Now, there will be some that will say, “But that is what the Bible says,” about their pet issue, but guess what? Anyone can make the Bible say anything they want if they take it out of context. I am a lover of God’s Word, but one of the things I have learned is that you can’t take one verse or one idea and throw the rest out. You have to take the Bible, as a whole, and look at the overarching story of God’s plan and purposes for the world. You have to see through the eyes of Jesus and really consider how the qualities of God’s Kingdom look nothing like the qualities of this world. There comes a point at which I have to empty myself of all that I hold dear and let the Spirit of God fill me with love, mercy and grace so that I can truly live as a beloved child of God, bringing that love, mercy, and grace of God to all of God’s beloved children – whether they look like me, believe like me, or not.

In the grand scheme of things, what does more good for God’s Kingdom: railing against illegal immigrants or caring for foreign children who have been separated from their parents? being determined that no one is going to take away your guns or entering into meaningful action to help those who suffer from mental illness? This list could go on and on about the many issues at hand in our world, but the list isn’t the point. The point is, how do we, who claim to be followers of Jesus Christ, God incarnate, live into that incarnation and embody Christ in every word and every act? How do we pick up our feet from where they have been grounded, and move into a place where we can hear one another, love one another, and act in ways that embody the values of God’s Kingdom? Isn’t it time to let go of what we think is right and take hold of what God knows is right?

Each morning as I rise, I sit in what I am calling my “Contemplative Corner” where I listen to uplifting music for a minimum of fifteen minutes before spending some time reading God’s Word, journaling and praying. This morning, I was particularly touched by this song that captures some of what I am saying today. Take a listen. Spend some time with God. And see where the motion of God’s mercy might take you today.

Bring It On

Seminary. Church work. Family. PiYo/Beachbody work. Volunteer work. BoCo RunCo work.

My life is crazy these days without much margin. I won’t say my life is not my own, because it is my own. I am here because I have chosen to follow this path. It definitely isn’t easy, and I have to be honest and say that I am struggling with the demands on my time, but it is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I was reminded of that very fact just this morning. During my prayer time I was working through some of the discipleship tools being offered to me through one of my seminary courses. I listened to Rachel Platten’s Fight Song (below), both this version and the version done by the Piano Guys, read Rachel’s back story about this song, and then spent some time with Psalm 84.

Through this and some insight from our professor, I was reminded of what it took for me to get to this place. I have fought with God over whether or not He really meant to call me to be a pastor. I have struggled with verbalizing this call to my family and friends. I have ben knocked down by things like lack of support and imperfect systems. I even went through a very tough time of simply waiting for three years and seeing no forward progress at all.

Through that time I had a post-it note that stuck on my computer monitor reminding me, “Your calling is sure,” words that the Lord had given to me through a variety of sources.

When the time of waiting was over and movement began again, it didn’t always feel like forward momentum. In fact, there was a period of time that felt like I was punched in the gut and left for dead. But God was still at work marking out a new journey on new pathways.

The new journey hasn’t moved quickly and easily either. My husband says, “It seems like anything worthwhile isn’t easy,” and I agree. There are still many fears to conquer, mountains to climb, and opposition to face, but I cannot let the fight go out of me. I have to push forward (in God’s timing), follow-through, do my part, and watch as God fulfills His promises.

Part of Psalm 84 (VOICE) says “Blessed are those who make you their strength, for they treasure every step of the journey…They journey from place to place, gaining strength along the way; until they meet God in Zion. (Bold mine.)

These words were especially important today as I feel weak and worn down, trying not to fall into the “just get through” mentality that can sometimes plague me into not treasuring every step of the journey. So the reminder that I will gain strength along the way is a beautiful one for me today. I won’t continue to wear down as I go, but I will gain strength as I go.

This fight that I have to finish the journey isn’t one I fight alone, but rather one that God fights right along side me. He gives me the strength to fight. He gives me the path to follow. He gives me the truth to believe.

I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.

Bring it on.

Fight Song
Rachel Platten
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

Authority and Entitlement

When did we become a culture that thinks so highly of our (individual) selves that we no longer respect those who are in authority?This has been bugging me lately.

When did we become a culture that thinks so highly of our (individual) selves that we no longer respect those who are in authority?

I have seen it getting worse for years.

There is always someone who doesn’t think they have to wait in the pick-up line at school, despite the fact that the principal has asked that parent’s don’t drive around those in front of them so that accidents can be avoided.

There is always someone who doesn’t think they have to use the left lane on the interstate as a passing lane only.

There is always someone who doesn’t think that the answer they were given by one person is good enough so they have to go find someone else and see if they can force them to give the “right” answer.

I read somewhere on the inter webs that Mark Twain once said, “Don’t go around saying that the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Whether or not he actually said it, it is true. We don’t “deserve” anything. Why do we think we are owed something? Why do we think we are above what those placed in authority have said? Why do we think if we push hard enough, or attempt enough end runs we can evade what the authorities have deemed important?

The results of this kind of mind-set are children who don’t respect authority – elders, teachers, police, etc. – and why is that?

Because they are mirroring the behavior that their parents have set forth.

A child is failing a class? It must be the teacher’s fault, so the parents yell at the teacher. And when they don’t get the answer they want, they yell at the principal. And when that doesn’t work, they head on over to the superintendent or a school board member.

It needs to stop. Romans 13:1-7 says:

Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished. For the authorities do not strike fear in people who are doing right, but in those who are doing wrong. Would you like to live without fear of the authorities? Do what is right, and they will honor you. The authorities are God’s servants, sent for your good. But if you are doing wrong, of course you should be afraid, for they have the power to punish you. They are God’s servants, sent for the very purpose of punishing those who do what is wrong. So you must submit to them, not only to avoid punishment, but also to keep a clear conscience.

Pay your taxes, too, for these same reasons. For government workers need to be paid. They are serving God in what they do. Give to everyone what you owe them: Pay your taxes and government fees to those who collect them, and give respect and honor to those who are in authority.

Do people in areas of leadership screw up? Sometimes! Do they take advantage of their power? Sometimes! But that doesn’t change the fact that we are supposed to respect and honor those who are in authority over us. We will answer for our transgressions. Those in authority will answer for theirs.

Our job is not to usurp their authority and try to get our way when we don’t like how it affects us. Our job is to be respectful, not rebellious.

It is time to start looking at our behavior and the example we are setting or our children and make sure that we aren’t walking around thinking we are the exception to every rule, we are entitled to what we want, and we don’t have to listen to those in authority. And those of us in authority have to start being responsible and trustworthy. Because unless something changes, the path we are headed down will lead us to a world that none of us want to live in.

Carefully Taught

Playing Dumb & FragileSavor by Shauna Niequist. I love this devotional. It makes me think. It resonates with me. It gives me recipes. And the daily readings are short. Short is good when you are as busy as I am.

Sometimes as I read them I get fired up. And this was one of the ones that got me fired up. It might have something to do with the fact that I am a girl raising a girl. And that I so badly want to influence young girls and young women to grow into the women that they were created to be rather than falling prey to the pervasive influence of our sex-crazed culture where the gender divide still is quite evident in many ways.

  • Why do women think they have to rely on their looks to get what they want?
  • Why do women think they have to dress with their shirt cut down to there and their skirt cut up to here to draw attention?
  • Why do women think they need to play the part of the “weaker” sex to attract men?
  • Why do women have to worry about being seen as “bitchy” if they have a strong personality?
  • Why do women have to worry about offending a man if they are in a place of leadership (particularly true in the church, but still entirely too true in the corporate world as well)?

The answer is the same as the one as spoken and sung by the character Lieutenant Cable in the musical South Pacific. The song, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” is preceded by a line saying racism is “not born in you! It happens after you’re born…” The same is true for the ways in which women behave, and are perceived by other women and men. We are all taught how we are to behave and fit into the world around us based on how our parents raise us, our peers influence us, and the culture defines us. And the only way this changes from generation to generation is when we stand up and say, “enough is enough,” and choose to teach ourselves and our children a new way to operate within the world around us.

That means not perpetuating the dumb and fragile persona. That means teaching our daughters to be strong, and dress appropriately. That means doing things that make us feel beautiful, but not just to garner attention and teaching our daughters to do the same. That means teaching our sons to respect women for more than their looks and teaching them not to assume that any woman is unable to do something. But it also means teaching them to be attentive and offer to help in such a way that doesn’t demean or shame women. It means teaching our families that authority in leadership has nothing to do with male or female, and no matter what, you listen to the authority figure.

We have all been carefully taught how to be women and men. And like it or not, we are carefully teaching our children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and other young people that we influence. Let’s decide here and now that we are going to be intentional in how we communicate our values – not only in this area of sexism, but in all areas of our lives.

 

The Mythical Unicorn

I have been turning this idea over and over in my head lately, mostly because I can’t seem to create any.

Balance.

Work. Kids. Kids’ activities. Kids’ activities for which I need to be present. Husband. Home. Bills. Business. Fitness. Health. Cooking. Friends. Facebook. (We have to be honest, Facebook is a thing on the balance list.) Sleeping. Laundry. Netflix. (Yes, Netflix is a thing, too.) Running. Social life. (Wait – do I have a social life?) Hebrew. Did I mention Hebrew?

There’s probably more. I am sure I am forgetting something. I can’t keep all those plates spinning all the time. Some of them come crashing to the floor. Hard. And often. And when that happens, I tend to beat myself up. Hard. And often.

I like what Jen Hatmaker says about balance in her most recent book, For the Love:

If I had to recite the top questions I’m asked in interviews, conversations, and e-mails, certainly included would be this one: How do you balance work and family and community? And every time, I think: Do you even know me? Balance. It’s like a unicorn; we’ve heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven’t actually seen one. I’m beginning to think it isn’t a thing. Here is part of the problem, girls: we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Back in the day, women didn’t run themselves ragged trying to achieve some impressively developed life in eight different categories. No one constructed fairy-tale childhoods for their spawn, developed an innate set of personal talents, fostered a stimulating and world-changing career, created stunning homes and yardscapes, provided homemade food for every meal (locally sourced, of course), kept all marriage fires burning, sustained meaningful relationships in various environments, carved out plenty of time for “self care,” served neighbors/ church/ world, and maintained a fulfilling, active relationship with Jesus our Lord and Savior. You can’t balance that job description.

unicorn

She’s right, you know. Balance is like that mythical unicorn. It doesn’t exist. There will be times in our lives when we are more attentive to one or two areas of our lives and less attentive to others. And those areas will naturally change as our lives progress.

The problem comes when we start the ugly comparison game. This game was a losing one before social media, but has become downright destructive in the current online culture. We see everyone’s best posted on Facebook. We see all the great ways to be a wonderful parent, sexy wife, efficient worker, gourmet chef and bikini model all over Pinterest. We see everyone else’s selfies of girls nights out on Instagram. And when we do, we start comparing our lives to everyone else’s and assuming we fall short. But what we don’t realize is that we are only seeing a small sliver of everyone else’s life through a filtered lens. Sure, they may be doing a great job homeschooling their children, but behind closed doors could be suffering a severe bout of depression. Maybe they have a fantastic relationship with their husband, but they are struggling with an enormous debt load.

The point is that we all struggle with balance and none of us achieve it, or if we think we have, it lasts a millisecond and is gone. The real problem isn’t balance, but rather giving ourselves permission to focus on what is the most important and, to quote a song I am sure we are all tired of hearing, say “Let it go” to what isn’t on the top of the priority list right now.

For me right now that might mean that I have to study Hebrew instead of watching an episode (or 10) of House on Netflix. It might mean that I don’t get to go to the 50,000 in-home parties that my friends have because I have a volleyball game to watch or a PiYo class to teach. The important thing to remember is that we can’t do it all, and we shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on ourselves. Living a busy life with many commitments is hard. Living that same life under the shadow of constant guilt for not doing or being enough is impossible and eventually will take its toll.

So, take heart and remember that while the picture of the unicorn is beautiful, it is in fact fictional, just like the idea of balance in the life of a busy human being. Give yourself grace, stop with the guilt, and do your best at what is most important today. Tomorrow you can re-evaluate what needs to be most important then.

Broken and Happy

One of my favorite bloggers, Jenny Lawson of thebloggess.com, released her second book yesterday. It is called Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things. In it, Jenny talks about her lifelong battle with mental illness. Humorously. Sounds like an interesting combination, doesn’t it?

Jenny says that, “We all get our share of tragedy or insanity or drama, but what we do with that horror is what makes all the difference.”

We are all broken. For some of us it takes the form of mental illness. For others it is physical. Sometimes it is in our relationships with others. Sometimes it is in our relationships with ourselves.

But the thing that Jenny encourages us all to do is to choose to be Furiously Happy. To be irrationally joyful and vehemently happy. This is sometimes easier said than done, but when we can’t pull that off on our own, we can always read a chapter of Jenny’s book. Because it will make you laugh.* I promise.

Jenny’s first book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir made me laugh out loud. Often. Her blog and book have been a source of (edited) readings to my family and friends. So if you like humor, she is a good source for it.

But what has really drawn me to Jenny’s work is the fact that she taught me this: depression lies. Over and over again when I am in the midst of a rough patch, I remind myself that depression lies. It says things to me like:

  • You aren’t good enough.
  • You are a terrible wife/mother/health & fitness coach/pastor/housekeeper/[insert lots of other things here].
  • The best thing for you to do is just give up and lay on the couch binge-watching Netflix.
  • You loser, you just spent the entire evening on the couch binge-watching Netflix!
  • You will never get better.
  • You are going to fight me the rest of your life.

But when I remind myself that depression lies, eventually I can get to a place where I replace the lies of depression with the TRUTH of who I am.

  • I am good enough.
  • I am a good wife/mother/health & fitness coach/pastor/housekeeper/[insert lots of other things here].
  • Sometimes it is okay to rest on the couch and binge-watch Netflix. But today, I can binge-watch while I clean up the living room.
  • I am not a loser for letting the couch call me in to its warmth. I am not a loser for binge-watching Netflix. Sometimes a busy woman needs some down time.
  • I will get better.
  • Even when it puts up a fight, I will win over the depression.

Sometimes it is hard to get to this place of speaking TRUTH over the lies of depression, but the more I remind myself of the lies, the more the truth is able to be heard.

I have been walking through this journey for a long time now, and recently have walked through it with a friend who doesn’t yet recognize the lies of depression. I am trying to help her learn this very important lesson. One that I was able to learn because Jenny shared her story.

I am not saying that simply by reading a book you can conquer your own mental illness battle, but I am saying that you get to choose how you will overcome. I choose to be Furiously Happy.

I am broken because depression lies.

I am Furiously Happy because I am a Daughter of the King.

Will you share your broken and happy stories with me today?

*Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by bad language, find a different book or blog to read that makes you laugh. Because Jenny isn’t afraid to throw out strong language.