Category: Listening

It Is What It Is

As  I sit here seething this evening (not at anyone, mind you, at a website that has locked me out of my account for some unknown reason, and it is not even a website I want to be on, but one I have to be on to fill out a questionnaire for Mike’s insurance that is due this week) I am reminded of something I have said over and over to myself lately, “it is what it is.”

There are certain things in life that we can’t change no matter how hard we try.

I can’t change the fact that this website locked me out and other than a call to the company tomorrow there is nothing I can do about it tonight. It is what it is.

I can’t change the fact that even though I had stuff to do at work today, I had a sick daughter that needed me more. It is what it is.

I can’t change the fact that my job is going to be impacted by other people and whether or not they have done their job. It is what it is.

There are certain things that we can change. We can decide not to scream at the computer when a website locks us out. We can make the best of a day spent at home with a sick child. We can decide to help a co-worker with their part of the job so that our part goes smoother.

But what I need to remember right now is to make good choices and fix/help/change the things I can, and not get frustrated about the things that I can’t. Because sometimes, it is what it is and that can’t be changed.

What areas of your life do you need to be reminded about these things today?

Get Up!

Today I’m blogging about a blog post. Yes, it’s odd, but hear me out. I was reading Jon Acuff’s blog for today and was really struck but one paragraph in particular:

“When you fail, get up the next day. When you succeed, get up the next day. When the shine of your scene wears off, stay on it. When another scene looks distracting and attractive, stay on your scene.”

This time of year is always tough for me. It seems as if the cooler temperatures and dreary days bog me down in multiple ways. I want to eat everything in sight – almost like my body wants to add a layer of fat to ward off the cold. I want to stay curled up in my bed sleeping, reading, and watching TV rather than going out to exercise. I want to completely hole up in my house, and yet never actually do anything like clean or cook. I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t want to do anything that requires an effort.

And when I allow some of these things to happen – I eat a few cookies or sleep in one day – I tend to beat myself up and start asking, “what’s the point of even trying?”

And then I remember how hard I worked last spring to get the house in order and how I don’t want to have to do that again this spring.

And then I remember how hard I worked to lose 49 pounds and how I don’t want that weight back on my body.

And then I remember how hard I worked to get to the place where running 5 miles is easy and I don’t want to lose that.

And then I remember how hard I have worked to change my eating habits and I don’t want to regress.

And then I remember that there is nothing stopping me from starting fresh at any moment except me.

I get to choose. I get to “get up” every day and decide how I am going to proceed with the day. I get to say yes or no to the snacks. I get to say yes or no to the exercise. I get to leave the TV off and cook dinner for my family. Sometimes I may fail. But the next chance to choose well is just around the corner.

What area of your life do you need this reminder for today?

Practicing Thanksgiving – Revisited

As the month of November has come to a close, I wanted to be able to look back on all 30 of the things I listed on Facebook that I was (am) thankful for, so here’s my list:

  1. Today, I am thankful for a friend who met me to walk this morning without whom I would have probably stayed in bed.
  2. Today I am thankful for my hubby, Mike. He works so hard to provide for his family, and when he is on 3-11, survives on not a lot of sleep so he can take our kids to school since that is the only time he sees them on this shift. I am blessed to have such a good husband and I love doing things to spoil him (like making him Pumpkin Toffee Cheesecake) since he is usually the one spoiling me. 🙂
  3. Today I am thankful for my small group (Mike, Kimberly, Mark, John, Curt, Michelle) and especially Scott, who would do anything to help out at any time, including running kids to and fro. I love you all and am so glad that we get to do life together!!
  4. Today I am thankful for the friends that God has blessed me with. Friends that bring me breakfast, lunch, and hot cups of what’s the point. Friends that know me well enough to know I am having a bad day from a text. Friends that pray for and with me. Friends I can laugh with, talk with, cry with, and just sit with. Thank you all for your friendship!
  5. Today I am thankful for my family and a lazy day at home with them that will include snuggles, games, tv, homemade smoked pulled pork, homemade pumpkin pie, tickles, giggles and lots of love!
  6. Today I am thankful for my couch. It is the place where I spend time with family and friends, where I nap, where I read and study. The place where snuggles and tickles abound and memories are made and remembered.
  7. Today I am thankful for a job that I love that is right where God has placed me for the last 11 years. I am thankful that where I work is filled with co-workers that are also amazing friends.
  8. Today I am thankful for my son, Ty. He is opinionated, creative, fun-loving, imaginative, energetic, and so much more. He brings a smile to my face (almost) every time I look at him. God has taught me so much using Ty!
  9. Today I am thankful for a pastor (and boss) who is sensitive to the Lord’s leading, sets a good example for all of us in the ways he leads, takes responsibility, and does his best to glorify God.
  10. Today I am thankful for things like heated car seats, warm showers, and cozy sweatshirts. And the fact that I don’t have to be outside for my job when it is cold outside. Good things to be thankful for on that first really cold morning of the season. (And Lillard Luttrell, if you call me today from the beach, I will come through the phone and hurt you. Badly.)
  11. Today I am thankful for all of those who have served, are serving, and will serve our country in the military. People like Lynette Mellor, Jennifer Weiss, Steve Donnan, Jennifer Donnan, and so many more. THANK YOU for serving our country!  ‎Patrick N Carrie Davis-Lent – this includes you!
  12. Today I am thankful for music. Music can lift me up, it can feel with me, it can unleash feelings I can’t put words to, it can bring me closer to people, it can be an avenue to hear the Lord speak, and it can just bring absolute joy and fun. I especially am thankful that I get to share my love of music with my kids. ( We watched the CMA awards together last night.)
  13. Today I am thankful for that wonderful thing called the Sunday afternoon nap and I am already looking forward to my date with my couch this afternoon.
  14. Today I am thankful for opportunities to enjoy God’s creation, particularly with my kids. Taking nature walks, looking at clouds, enjoying the moon, etc. I see things so much more through the eyes of my children and love it!
  15. Today I am thankful for my Lord and Savior. I’m thankful for the ways that He has saved me, and continues to do so. I am thankful for the ways that I learn from Him through His word and His people. I am thankful that even when I fall short (which is often), His grace abounds.
  16. Today I am thankful for my daughter, Anne. She is (usually) quick to help, especially when it comes to cooking these days. She has a big heart and is always looking out for others. Even though she is growing up fast, she still has a child-like joy about life. We are blessed by the gift we have in Anne!
  17. Today I am thankful for the unexpected. A previously unplanned lunch with my husband. A note from a friend that is just what I need. A smile from my kids. A laugh after reading a blog post. Sometimes it’s just the little things that make a big difference.
  18. Today I am thankful to be part of a worship team that not only practices music but also practices prayer and devotion to God. I have missed spending time with these wonderful people of God. It is good to be back.
  19. Today I am thankful for my middle sister, Seffie. I love our talks. I love the fact that she is always looking out for me. I love her good heart. I love the fact that she is my lifelong friend. — with Stephanie Luttrell Hammer.
  20. Today I am thankful for days of rest. They are rejuvenating. They give us a reboot. They help us just stop in this society of constant go. Thank you, Lord for the example and command of Sabbath rest.
  21. Today I am thankful for Family Game Night. It had been awhile since we had one, but we always have fun when we do and last night was no exception. I love spending time with my family without electronic forms of entertainment and with good fun and conversation. 🙂
  22. Today I am thankful for parents who raised me “in the way I should go.” They taught me not just right and wrong, but what it really means to be a person of integrity who follows Christ in all I do. They taught me what love is and provide amazing examples of what marriage should look like, how to parent, and how to care for others. I love you! — with Kathryn Davis Luttrell and Lillard Luttrell.
  23. Today I am thankful for the reminder that just like I am attentive to, and always willing to get up for my sick son in the middle of the night, my Father God is always watching over me and knows where I am, what is happening in my life and is always taking care of me.
  24. Today I am thankful for family. Since Mike’s mom died, Thanksgiving has been a hard day, but today we will be surrounded by the Ennen side of the family who is so glad to have us as a part of the day. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
  25. Today I am thankful for the whole family sleeping in and then just hanging out in bed with my hubby.
  26. Today I am thankful for the wonderful benefits of living in a small town. I love the community events that are put on where we get to enjoy one another’s company as we walk around downtown or check out the lights display at the Farm Heritage Museum. I love running into friends and hanging out with them. I love being able to run through town and see people I know. And I am so glad that we are raising our kids here.
  27. Today I am thankful for worship. What a wonderful thing to be able to worship our God and King with all that is in me!
  28. Today I am thankful for a night of listening to some amazing music at the Christmas Pops concert with my daughter and some of my friends. Good music done well, along with snuggles from my girl and wonderful company made for a fantastic ending to a spectacular weekend.
  29. Today I am thankful for both exercise days and rest days. It always feels good to exercise, and sometimes it feels just as good to have a rest day.
  30. Today I am thankful for: finishing a run with no breathing trouble, friends that encourage me during my run (Anne Dawdy Borwick, Lisa Gaulden Barber), friends that let me “shop” in their closet for clothes that fit (Kimberly King Gan) so I can look nice for Joy Michelle Luttrell Veach and Stephen Kuehn‘s wedding this weekend, and the fact that I get to celebrate my sister’s wedding with all of my family in just a few more days!!!

What an exercise! It was good for me to have to think each morning about which of the things I was thankful for I wanted to post, because, when you make yourself become aware of what is happening in your life, you find many things that you are thankful for.

I hope that you had opportunity to find things to be thankful for over the last month, too. But don’t let it stop now. Continue to be aware of those things for which you are thankful, and thank the Lord for His gifts.

Of all the things that you are thankful for, which one rises to the top today?

Plates are Crashing!

Have you ever seen one of those guys at a circus that spins plates on a stick? He starts with one and continues to add plates spinning and tries to keep them all going and not let any of them fall to the ground. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, visit YouTube and look up plate spinning. You’ll find lots of videos to give you an idea.)

Sometimes I feel like a plate spinner. I have so many things that are vying for my attention and I have about enough time and energy to give each of them a spin before another one is about to crash so I have to run off to make sure it doesn’t. And sometimes. Plates crash. They stop spinning and completely fall to the ground and shatter into thousands of pieces.

And what results is me, feeling like a failure.

I just can’t keep it all going. Diet. Exercise. Bills. Cleaning. Work. Parenting. Connecting with my husband. Plans for holidays. Cooking. Devotions. Reading. Knitting. Small Group. Budgeting (work and home). Friendships. Time commitments. Making sure everyone else gets what they need from me and vice versa. Drinking enough water. Laundry. Lists. Prayer. Grocery shopping. Sleep.

There are times when I am really on top of budgeting and bills, but I am eating terribly, sleeping in too late and never exercising. There are times that I am faithful with my Bible reading, but I am not investing enough time in my husband. Three are times that I am really good about connecting with my friends and giving to them, but my kids haven’t had a home-cooked meal in two weeks. And there are times when I am not doing any of it well.

And that’s where I am right now. I feel like plates are crashing around me. I am doing well with some things, but others have fallen or are about to fall. And then I start getting down on myself about it. And then more stuff falls. It becomes a downward spiral.

Until I stop it. Until I ask for help and give God control. Until I choose to pick up some of those plates. Until I give myself grace and ask for grace from others.

The reality is I really can’t do it all on my own. But I think I should be able to and that’s where I get into trouble. That’s when my attitude starts going south. That’s when I start feeling overwhelmed. But when I remember that 1) God is there and is ready to help – I just need to ask and 2) that I live in community and there are people – family, friends, etc. – that are more than willing to step in when they are aware there is a need, that’s when things get better.

If you are feeling this way today, I encourage you today to stop, take a deep breath, and ask for help – from God, from your friends, from your family. And accept their help and their grace. I know I need to.

What do you usually do when you are feeling overwhelmed with life?

It’s Hard Work – And It’s Worth It

Family.

You can’t live with ’em. You can’t shoot ’em.

When we are little, we dream of growing up and having a wonderful husband (wife), beautiful children, and a fantastic life as a family. We think it will all come together and will play out just like a fairy tale.

And then we grow up, get married, have kids, and reality sets in.

It’s hard to do life with other people, especially ones we live with under the same roof.

It’s hard not to lose it when you appreciate tidiness and cleanliness and the rest of your family doesn’t. But you have a choice: enjoy the people you live with, mess and all, or alienate them by expecting them to cater to your needs.

It’s hard not to hold a grudge when your husband (wife) does something that really hurts you. But you have a choice: forgive and move on, or build up a wall that puts a wedge between you.

It’s hard to deal with the fact that we don’t always get what we need, much less what we want, and yet the very language of living in community is one of give and take that ebbs and flows. Sometimes we give more, sometimes we take more.

It’s hard not to look out for number one when our culture tells us we have to do what is best for “me.” But, ultimately, what is best for “me” has to be what is best for “us,” and that is not always an easy choice.

Marriage is hard AND it is work. It isn’t something that we can just let slide. We have to be intentional in spending time with one another, sharing not just the contents of our days but of our hearts. We have to speak truth into one another and into our relationship.

Parenting is hard AND it is work. It isn’t something that we can just let slide. We have to be intentional in spending time with one another, teaching, loving, nurturing. We have to speak truth into our children.

Being a family is hard AND it is work. It isn’t something that we can just let slide. We have to be intentional in spending time with one another, laughing, talking, crying, learning. We have to speak truth into one another and our relationship as a family.

Today I am praying for families all over that are struggling. For husbands and wives that aren’t connecting like they should be. For parents and children whose lines of communication are failing. For families that are coming apart at the seams. My prayer for them is for reconciliation and healing. My challenge to them is to do the hard work that is necessary to hold your family together. That means prayer. That means selflessness. That means forgiveness. That means asking for help. That means offering grace where needed. That means looking at yourself and asking where you need to let God work. And none of that is easy. But it’s worth it.

I would love to hear your stories about family trials that have been hard, but worth it.

Worth It

Album: Hundred More Years

Artist: Francesca Battistelli

Love’s not a feeling
Love’s not convenient
But I know love will change your life
Love takes sacrifice
Love cuts like a knife
Sometimes love will make you cry
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it

Love is a hunger
But love won’t leave you empty
See it’s the language of the heart
Love can steal your pride
But love won’t let you hide
It takes everything you’ve got
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it

(Chorus)
What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you’re left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who will hold you?
Where you gonna run when it’s all on the line
And you’re looking for someone to save your life
To save your life

Love can hear you
Love can heal you
If you let it inside
Oh, remember now
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it

(Chorus)
What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you’re left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who’s gonna hold you?
Oh, where you gonna run when it’s all on the line
And you’re looking for someone to save your life
To save your life

Love can hear you
I know love will heal you
If you let it inside
Oh, remember now
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it

Words & Music By: Francesca Battistelli / Sam Mizell

Take Notice

It’s Thursday and thus it is blog day and because I have actually had opportunities to listen to music this week, it’s another blog inspired by a song!

Well not only by a song, but the song cemented this idea in my head as the one to post today.

Last week I challenged you all to find ways to purposely be thankful every day this month. I have been doing that, and if you follow me on Facebook, you have read about my husband, job, son, heated car seats and more. The interesting thing is, when you start looking for things to be thankful for throughout your day (rather than just picking something random from the top of your head), you really become aware of just how much you have to be thankful for, and you end up having to choose which of those to post each day.

Add to that a conversation in staff meeting this week and my weekly book discussion with my friend Tina, and my brain starts going.

I have a family and close friends for who I am so thankful. And I have many opportunities that come and that I make to spend time with them. I keep an eye out for them, and their well-being, and they are keeping an eye out for me.

But not everyone has that. In fact, there are people all around us that are just wishing they would be noticed by someone, anyone. And this time of year exacerbates their loneliness. Most of us have places to go and people to see during the holidays and we get so caught up in that, we don’t even think about the people who don’t. And if we do think about them, we push down our guilt about not doing anything for or with them as we go on to the next party or gathering. At some point, that has to stop. At some point we have to start taking notice.

After all, we have been told that we are supposed to care for “the least of these.”

The Sheep and the Goats – From Matthew 25

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

I always cringe when I read this passage of scripture. It is just so harsh. And yet, we need to be reminded of the importance of caring for others. Especially at the holidays, but not only then.

So, now, the question isn’t will you do it, but HOW will you do it? (And, BTW, I have to answer that question to. It’s not just for you. :))

Take a listen to the song below. It is from one of my favorite bands, and has some of the most heart-piercing lyrics of any song I have heard. It will get you thinking, I promise!

(verse 1)
I’ve got a story now
One that you never will hear
I’ve got a light to shine
That you can’t see over there

But you don’t want to know
You keep on passing me by
And your true colors show
I see that look in your eye

(pre-chorus)
I am me, I am you
I am many known by few
Seldom seen, seldom cared
Seldom mentioned in your prayers

Outfit outdated
Birthday never celebrated
I’m the one that you ignore
I’m the least and I’m the poor

(chorus)
Oh what a shame,
Standing in the shadows
Cause I don’t have a name
But you can’t see we’re all the same
Someone shine the light on my way (yeah)

Wasn’t a choice
Standing in the shadows
Cause I don’t have a voice
But you can’t hear above the noise
Someone shine the light on my way (yeah)

(verse 2)
Now to the average man,
You may just think of me less
And to the richest man,
A tax deduction at best

And to the government
I’m just a check on the first
Or just a soul to save,
project for the local church

(pre-chorus)
I am me, I am you
I am many known by few
I’m the one that’s calling out
Can anybody hear me now?

Do you care who I am?
Will you ever understand?
I’m the one that you ignore
I’m the least and I’m the poor

(bridge)
See I’m the nameless
Yeah, I’m the loveless
And I’m the voiceless, fatherless and motherless

I’m the defenseless
Helpless and the hopeless
I am every one of us (I am every one of us)…
credits
from This Moment – EP, released 18 May 2010
Produced by Stephen Leiweke & Jorge Casas

Russ Mohr: vocals
Luke DeJaynes: drums, programming
Mark DeJaynes: bass
Dustin Burggraaf: keyboards, programming
Joe McGill: guitars

Hard Times

I have had a difficult week. Not that anything in particular happened, but just one of those weeks where life seems harder than necessary and that got me to thinking about why we encounter times like that. Many people believe when they become  Christians that it means the end of pain and suffering and it is going to be wonderful from that point on in their lives. So when life doesn’t change or it feels like the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, where the first 3/4 of the movie shows anything but wonderful stuff, they are disillusioned and say it’s not what they signed up for and want to quit before they get to the end, where, like in the movie, we’ll get to see just how much we are loved and how much we have learned and grown through the tough stuff.

But the reality is, God never promised us a life without trouble. He offered it to Adam and Eve, but they chose not to obey the one rule that said “don’t”, and since then, we’ve all had to live with the fact that we live in a fallen world. And on top of that, if we read the Bible, we hear Jesus tell us things like, “Blessed are the persecuted for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad because great is your reward in heaven;” and “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” It sounds to me as if Christ knew that life wouldn’t be all roses, and that He was telling us there would be hard times and that we should expect them.

So when these hard times come, regardless of why, we have to remember that we have a choice about our response. I heard a story once of a boy who grew up in more than 20 foster homes, and never knew his real parents, yet is incredibly healthy and successful. When asked why he said, “when something happens to you, you have two choices on how to deal with it. You an either get bitter, or better. I chose to get better. It’s made all the difference.”

I think that many times, our first response to hard times is like that of the Israelites. Many times over the 40 years between the Exodus and entering the promised land the Israelites groaned and murmured against Moses and the Lord. They groaned because there was not water, or no food, or not the kind of food they wanted, or Moses was taking too long on the mountain. Do you ever notice yourself going there as your first response? I know that if I’m not careful, it is easy to go there. To complain to a friend, or to feel sorry for myself because life is just so hard at times.

Another response that we might have is to question God. We see in Job lots of questions that Job, and his friends, have for God about why He would allow such hard times, and we read in Psalms many questions that David had for God about the troubles that he encountered. And while our attitude in questioning God makes all the difference in whether or not we are sinning in our response, I think that the most appropriate responses to suffering and hard times we find in scripture are: rejoice, be patient, endure, and pray.

As humans, we seek comfort and stability in our lives, but without these hard times that disrupt our comfort, we don’t grow and mature. Growth and maturity comes as we face struggles with joy and faith. Conflict comes back to bless us if we will endure through it.

We know that Christ suffered on this earth, that his disciples faced all kinds of trials and suffering, so we know that “in this world we will have trouble,” but we also know that we can take heart because Christ has overcome the world. We can face suffering with a joy that the world does not understand, and as we endure, we grow, and mature, and become complete, we are blessed and will receive a crown of life.

On the way to church yesterday, I heard this song. I have heard it and even sung it in church before, but I was really impacted by the lyrics as I listened and the inherent choice that is made to bring praise to the Lord, regardless of where we are and what we are going through. Take a listen. The lyrics are below.

How have you been blessed by giving praise to God during hard times?

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

All of my life in every season, You are still God
I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

Practicing Thanksgiving

Because we live in such an affluent society, we often take for granted all that we have and all that we have access to on a regular basis. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wake up wondering whether or not I am going to eat each day, rather I try to decide what I want to eat each day based on what I am hungry for and what I have on hand. I don’t have a lot of clothing, but I wear something different every day (sometimes for weeks at a time), I don’t have to wear the same thing day in and day out. And these are just two areas where our affluence is apparent. We may live paycheck to paycheck much of the time, but we are still so rich compared to much of the rest of the world. And because this is the reality in which we live, we often times don’t give a second thought to the people and things around us every day.

We need to practice being thankful. We need to make ourselves do it on a regular basis. It’s not something that comes naturally in our busy lives, but we need to consciously take time to think about and talk about what we are thankful for, which can be anything and everything – people, things, circumstances (good and bad), etc.

That’s why, for the month of November for the last couple of years, I have chosen to use my Facebook status to state something that I am thankful for every day. We all have things that we are thankful for, but how often do we say those things out loud? How often to we tell the people we love how thankful we are for them? How often are we honest enough to say that we are thankful for stuff like microwaves and flat irons, cell phones and DVRs?

So, I challenge you, particularly in this Thanksgiving month, to practice thanksgiving. Whether you do it publicly or privately, increase your acknowledgement of being thankful.

Let’s start now. Leave a comment below with something for which you are thankful.

How “Real” Do You Want Me to Be?

Today, I am revisiting some of my favorite recurring thoughts. These thoughts were actually the subject of my first two blog posts (Who Are We?, More on the Subject of Authenticity).

I think all the time how I wish we all were more authentic with one another. I wish we could take off our masks and stop pretending to have it all together. I wish we could be more “real” on a wider scale than just the few (if any) super-close friends that we save our “real” selves for. And I wish we could do all of that without fear of what other people think about us; without fear of judgment.

But instead I think on some level we are all walking around asking ourselves this question about the people we are with at any given moment, “how “real” do they want me to be?”

  • “Do they really want to know about my struggle with/addiction to (porn/alcohol/spending money/______)?”
  • “Should I tell them about my (depression/mental illness/infidelity/distrust of God/________)?”
  • “What would they think of me if they knew I (had anger issues/hated my husband/wanted to die/sometimes I wish I hadn’t had children/__________)?”

Over the last few months, I have had more opportunities to be “real” with more people. It’s scary, but it is also very freeing to not feel like I have to hide certain aspects of who I am. And by sharing those parts of me that are less than pleasant or just plain scary to share because of the fear of how I will be viewed once people know that about me, it helps me own my stuff and own how that stuff affects my life. But it also helps me give that stuff over to God, because when there are areas of our lives that need work, but we aren’t willing to own it, we won’t be willing to ask for help to fix it.

Lest any of you start thinking that I have some deep, dark secrets that you aren’t privy to, I am mainly talking about my struggle with depression and the fact that earlier this year it got to a point that I had to not only acknowledge it, but do something about it. With God’s help, I did and am doing that, and since then I have began to open up to more and more people about it. And what I am finding is that I am not alone. There are many other people who are struggling with the same issue. (Whew, I’m not the only one!) But up until that point, I fell into the same trap we all fall into, the one that says we have to “keep up appearances.” And you know what that did? Made me feel even more isolated and afraid to talk about it. (I am having a bit of an anxiety attack right now about posting this blog – those same old fears creeping in.)

I say that to say this: we have to be real with one another, and we have to give others permission to be who they are when they are with us. How else will we find the healing we need? How else will we show the grace of God to one another? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to hang out with people who always have it all together, because I don’t, and I don’t like to feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t have it all together. How about you?

I Should Be Committed

The title of this post is what many people will say about me as they hear what I did today.

I registered for my first (and probably only) full marathon. 26.2 miles.

I might be a little insane. I just finished a great half marathon, and have been sick with a cold/flu/allergies since then, so it is possible that my brain isn’t functioning at 100%. Except I have been thinking about doing this for the last few months. And talking about it with my running partner. And while we were talking hypothetically at first, at some point it transitioned and today we pulled the trigger, so to speak. We put our money where our mouths are and registered for the race.

So now I keep repeating to myself, “Just breathe. Just breathe.”

It’s a little nerve-wracking to know that now, not only do I have to run 26.2 miles on April 15, but I have to TRAIN to run for the next 20+ weeks. And it’s the training that is the kicker. On my birthday I will have to run 20 miles. Happy Birthday to me. Or rather, Nappy Birthday to me, as that’s what I’ll be doing after running 20 miles.

As hard as it is going to be (and I know it will be hard), I am looking forward to crossing that finish line and knowing that I set my mind on accomplishing this task, trained appropriately, and finished the race. But I also know that I won’t be doing it alone. I will first and foremost be asking for help from the Lord, as I know I don’t do anything on my strength alone. And I know I will need lots of help from Him. I will also have the strength that comes with doing this with a partner. I’m not sure I could commit to doing this without Crystal. And I will have the encouragement of my family and friends to keep going, even when it is hard. I will especially be leaning on those friends who have done this before (and survived).

So, here goes another page in the story of my life. I’m ready to run and ready to learn. Because I am sure there will be much to learn in the coming months.

What seemingly impossible goal do you need to take from hypothetical to reality and how can you get there?