Category: Listening

It’s Muddy

Some days my head is muddy. Today is one of those days. It’s not muddy because I’m tired or overwhelmed. It’s muddy because I have so many thoughts running around that are stirring stuff up and making the waters of my brain a little muddy. And as you know, when water is muddy, you can’t see through it. What I desperately need right now is clarity and I don’t have it.

What has me so muddy? Apparently there is more to learn about the selfishness vs. selflessness that I wrote about last week. And about choices we make – both knowingly and unknowingly. And how we handle (or avoid) conflict as adults. And how we speak truthfully and lovingly without hurting someone’s feelings. And how we determine when we have done all we can and the problem lies with someone else and not us. And what we do if the problem is us. And so much more that I cannot even begin to put into words.

I’m thinking about the Christ that leaves the 99 sheep to find the one that is lost.

I’m thinking about the Christ who tells us to settle disputes quickly and be reconciled.

I’m thinking about the Christ who humbled Himself, even to the point of dying on a cross, for people who didn’t (and don’t) deserve it.

I’m thinking about the Christ who calls us to speak the truth in love, not sugar coat it or avoid it.

I’m thinking about the Christ who pointed out incorrect thinking to the Pharisees.

I’m thinking about the Christ who spent His time with the “least of these.”

I’m thinking about the Christ who is love.

I don’t have much of a take-away for you, my readers, today except this: we have to struggle with our questions and ask them of the Christ who is always listening and then we have to sit and listen for the answer, which doesn’t necessarily come in the way or time that we expect. So today, I will stay muddy for a while longer and wait for Christ to calm the waters and bring clarity.

Where are you needing clarity in your life today?

Hooray?

This day elicits many different responses from many different people:

  • Shouts of joy
  • Sighs of relief
  • Bouts of tears
  • All of the above and everything in between.

No, the Cards and Cubs are not playing ball today – it is the first day of school.

I have friends who have been counting down the days since the first day of summer vacation, and others who have been dreading this day. From first-time kindergarteners to last-time seniors in high school (and beyond), parents all over the country are finding themselves in the midst of some back-to-school related emotion.

This day is always a confusing one for me. I love my kids. I love having them around. I love the freedom that summer affords. I love being able to have lunch with them in the middle of my work day. I will miss all those things. But I also love routine. And I love peace and quiet for an hour at lunch. And I love earlier bed times and quiet time either alone or with my husband more regularly. And let’s face it, the house stays much cleaner when they are at school all day as opposed to at home all day.

What is really hard for me about this day is the reminder that time is passing. Quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday that Anne was a baby and now here she is going into fifth grade. And I have been convinced all along that my baby will never grow up and yet today Ty began school as a second grader.

My mom always told me that the older you get the faster time goes. I didn’t believe her then, but I do now. These precious moments with my kids at home are short and few and I have to take advantage of the time we have together to teach them and love on them and have fun with them. Which is precisely why I took the day off yesterday just to spend with them doing and seeing what they wanted to at the zoo. It was a magical day (not in the there was no fighting or whining kind of way – that would be a fantasy), but just in the way we were together and enjoyed the company of one another. And while I wish all days could be like that, it is important that they spend time away from me at school so that at some point they are able to move on and become adults.

Thus the confusion of the day which comes with the paradoxes inherent in raising children. So I just embrace the moment (and my kids) and enjoy the ride. Because even though it can be a bit bumpy, it’s worth it.

Where are you at on the range of emotions if you sent kids to school today?

It’s Not About Me? Really?

If you have ever read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, you know that the very first sentence in chapter one is “It’s not about you.” For most people these days, that is a turn-your-world-upside-down kind of phrase. We live in a culture where everything is about the individual and what is best for “me.” It affects family life, group dynamics, and how we view every situation we find ourselves in. It is the downfall of many marriages. It is the demise of friendships. What it all comes down to can be summed up in one word.

Selfishness.

It’s interesting when you know something like this, try hard to live in an unselfish way, and then get bombarded with the idea all over again.

Many of you know that this year I am coaching the Jr. Comets Cheerleaders. This group of a few fourth grade girls, but mostly fifth, sixth and seventh grade girls has been great fun for me so far this season. We are learning cheers, learning about one another, and learning what it means to be part of a group. Each Thursday before our Saturday games, I am planning to have a short pow-wow with the girls to talk about the game and important information for them to know, as well as some kind of teaching about what it means to be a team. Last week, I was planning to talk about one thing, but when the time came, what came out of my mouth was all about this very subject, a hard one for pre-teen girls to understand, but a necessary one to learn. And then Sunday morning, Pastor Greg shared some thoughts learned from the FMY bike trip and guess what? More of the same. (You can listen to his sermon here.)

Now, I know it has been on my mind because of the girls and wanting them to understand how important it is to put others first, particularly when you are part of a team, but when I start hearing the same thing from multiple sources at different times, I also have to take notice and start to wonder if I need to hear it, as well.

So I have been examining my motives. Thinking about why I do the things I do. And so far, while I haven’t found anything glaring, I have noticed some selfish tendencies that I have. So I am going to keep watch. And I’m going to try to shift my way of thinking. And I am going to continue to try to teach my kids, and my cheerleaders, to be selfless rather than selfish. And hopefully I will learn more along the way, too.

Are you feeling selfish or selfless today?

And the Losers are…

…BACON LOVERS (anonymous)!!!

And we won all on our own merit – exercise and weight loss.

We brought in about 5 lbs less food than the group who brought in the most. Thanks to all who donated! Our team alone took over 447 lbs of food to the food pantry. And when you add that to what all the other teams took – there was food everywhere!

Our Pay it Forward didn’t win, and that was fine with us. The Yellow Team has a GREAT Pay it Forward plan for their charity and totally deserved to win.

We knew we had a good chance to win when we walked into the meeting last night, but we were all very nervous. There were a couple of other teams that had their eyes on the prize as well. But when they read our name as the winners, there was screaming, there were tears, and there was excitement. We won $1500 for our charity, Bond Christian Service Camp. What a gift we have given to them! And what a gift we have given to ourselves – bodies that are improving daily. We also have over $500 in pledges for the 1/2 marathon as well, and anticipate more coming in over the next two months. (If you would like to pledge, you can get a form here.

Our Most Valuable Bacon Lover (MVBL) came in second for the overall Biggest Loser of the competition. We all wanted her to win, but to say she lost over 19% of her body weight in the last three months is nothing to be ashamed of! You can read more about Angie’s journey here.

To celebrate, we took the $50 that we won at the egg hunt a few weeks back and went to Bobby’s. If you aren’t from around here, Bobby’s is a frozen custard place in Maryville, IL. It is AMAZING. We spent $41 of the $50 on ice cream. We put bacon on it, we ate it, we took pictures of it, we loved every second of it. And we were all on an extreme sugar high and calling attention to ourselves as we laughed and acted quite obnoxious for a bunch of 35+ year-old women. It was wonderful. And then we spent the last of our money on french fries from Burger King. And then we all felt sick all the way home. The problem with eating healthy is that your body gets used to it and when you try to put junk in it again, it rebels. I had to chew a gas pill and a Tums last night – something I haven’t had to do in months!

But we had fun. And this morning, we are all back on the bandwagon, because we are not done yet.

We are all setting our next goal today – where we want to be by the 1/2 marathon on October 23 and will be sharing our goals with one another. We will also continue to have weigh-ins and measurement updates every other week. We aren’t stopping until we all hit our goals. And when we hit our 1/2 marathon goals as well as finish the race, we’re all going to get pedicures. And as we all hit our weight loss goals, we’re going shopping together to buy new clothes, because we are giving away anything that doesn’t fit – we will NOT keep it in our closet “just in case.”

I think we all have learned something over the last three months – if you get the right group together to encourage and challenge one another, there’s no stopping what you can do together!

Who do you have to encourage you to meet your goals?

UPDATE: I got this message this week: “because of us, Bond Camp is 1.2 Acres bigger than it used to be. He was able to get 2 parcels at $752 each at a tax auction. Paid them right off because he got the check from church already.” Hopefully we can add to this with our pledges for the 1/2 marathon!

“Me” Time

A few months back I heard this song (the lyrics are below) when I got the new Kenny Chesney album. At first I really liked it, and then I started questioning of the theology of it (while still really liking it, but not sure if I should). I mean, I am not meant to live for myself, but for Christ. I am not meant to schedule my time solely for me, but for others, too. I am not supposed to bow to the ways of the culture and live in a “me” saturated world. That’s not Biblical. And it’s not nice.

And yet, there is something that calls to me about this song and the idea of having time for me. Time to do what I want. Time to not have to listen to the “noise” of my everyday life. Time when the only person I am responsible for is me.

This weekend, I took my kids school shopping on Friday night. We had a (mostly) fun evening together and got some work accomplished. But on Saturday, I wanted to be alone. Not in the “alone in the woods with my thoughts” kind of way, but the “alone in a crowded room” kind of way. So, with my husband’s blessing, I went to the mall. By myself. I tried on clothes. I looked at books. I walked through stores my kids wouldn’t like. I got a pedicure. I listened to the music I wanted to listen to all the way there and back. I didn’t have to worry about making sure the kids got lunch when I myself wasn’t hungry. I loved it. And when I got back, we took the kids to Mike’s dad’s and he and I went fishing for most of the night. It was lovely. We talked about lots of stuff and yet nothing in particular. We didn’t talk at all for long periods and just enjoyed the peace of the night. We slept in until 10:30 a.m. And then we went and picked the kids up and spent the afternoon with them. And I wasn’t stressed. And I wasn’t anxious. And I didn’t get frustrated. And I enjoyed it. In addition, I have a very full week this week and am feeling positive and confident that I can face it and finish it well.

Which brings me back to my quandary of finding the balance between living for Christ and others, while still allowing some time for myself so that I can be better at living for Christ and others, without falling into the trap of getting too focused on me and my needs.

I think the key word in the previous sentence is “balance.” We all know that concept, but figuring out exactly what balance is and putting it into practice is a whole other issue. I don’t think there is any doubt that we have to take time for ourselves sometimes. And I know there is no question that we are to live for Christ and others. Which means that we absolutely have to figure out what balance looks like for us. It may be a little different for each one of us, so we can’t rely on someone else’s way of structuring their lives. We have to find our own balance.

So that’s what I am going to work on this fall. As everything starts back up and my days fill up with many things to do, I need to figure out how much “me” time is necessary in order to make the “God and others” time more effective.

Have you found your balance? If you have, how does it work for you? If you haven’t, what would you need to do to find it?

Take a listen to the song here and read the lyrics below.

Kenny Chesney-Live A Little Lyrics

Stressed out, running late, racing down the interstate
Spilled hot coffee, down the front of my jeans
It’s work, work, pay the rent, money and my time’s spent
Not a minute left for me to be me

Been going like nothing can wait
I gotta get my priorities straight

I need to live a little, have some fun
Take some time, waste it on number one
Find a girl that brings my whole world to a stop
Live a little, love a lot

Friday night, here we go, do a little do-si-do
Kick back, have a laugh, catch my breath
Tell the band slow it down, there she is, think I found
Maybe Ms. Wonderful, I haven’t met yet

It just hit me like a wrecking ball
She’s giving me a wake up call

I need to live a little, have some fun
Take some time, waste it on number one
Find a girl that brings my whole world to a stop
Live a little, love a lot

Step back, smell the rose
Feel the sand between your toes
Unplug, unwind
Step out in the sunshine

I need to live a little, have some fun
Take some time, waste it on number one
Find a girl that brings my whole world to a stop
Live a little

I need to live a little, have some fun
Take some time, waste it on number one
Take the girl, get a map and pick any old dot
Live a little, we need to live a little, love a lot

Finishing Strong or To Be Continued…

Well, it’s almost here. The day we’ve been waiting for all summer. No, I’m not talking about the first day of school (but that will be nice, too), I’m talking about the end of the Biggest Loser competition.

For the last 11 weeks we have been counting calories, watching carbs, exercising like crazy, watching our waistlines get smaller and the number on our scales go down. There have been moments of victory and moments of discouragement. There have been days when exercise ruled the day, and days when ice cream won. Some days I was offering words of encouragement, and some days I needed them offered to me. I have lost 27 pounds during the competition – 41 overall. My Bacon Lovers (anonymous) teammates have all done well, too. We have been very consistent throughout the competition, and have taken third (twice), first (twice), and fourth (once), at the bi-weekly meetings. That means twice we have gotten a little extra money to give to our charity, Bond Christian Service Camp.

But that’s not enough for us. We want to give more. Since we are going to continue to train for and walk the St. Louis Rock-n-Roll 1/2 Marathon in October, we decided we would ask our friends and family to sponsor us in the race. The money we raise will all be given to Bond Christian Service Camp. Our hope is they can buy at least one (hopefully more) parcel of land to add to their property – this place where kids go to have fun and learn about God’s love for them.

But that’s still not enough for us. We also want to lose more. I don’t think any one of us is at our goal weight, so we are going to continue on. Maybe not as drastically, but maybe so. We most definitely are going to continue our training regimen for the race, and I think we have all learned valuable lessons about how much better off we are now that we have changed some of our eating habits.

But that’s still not enough for us. We want to win this competition. We want to win the money for our charity. It’s a big hunk of cash and we want the camp to have it. We also want to win because none of us thought it was possible at the outset of the competition. This small team of seven women, none of which with huge amounts of weight to lose, all of which with busy lives and schedules, and yet here we are, with a very real possibility of taking the top prize. (Add to that the fact that we are all Type A and highly competitive, and you might be able to imagine just how badly we want to win this thing.)

We have one more week to finish strong. We have one more week to collect lots and lots of heavy canned goods. (The team that collects the most will have 15 pounds taken off their total weight loss and then the food will be given to the local food pantry – two good reasons to bring me some cans!) We have one more week of bantering back and forth with the other teams. We have one more week of competition.

But we have a whole lifetime to reap the benefits of the competition. Lessons learned. Life-changing decisions made. New goals brought to mind. The end of the competition brings with it a choice – go back to the old way of doing things or continue on in a new, healthier lifestyle. I choose to continue on.

I’ll update you next week about the results of the competition, but the overall story is to be continued. In the meantime, pray for us and if you can help our team by pledging or by providing canned goods, let me know. A pledge form is below.

What “finishing” could be a “to be continued” for you these days?

Is Liking Shoes Hereditary?

My mom told me last night that I am my grandmother. My grandmother liked to always have her nails done. Me too. My grandmother loved shoes and when she died we found hundreds of pairs of shoes, all in boxes, in numerous closets throughout her house. I cried because they weren’t my (or anyone else in the family’s) size. My grandmother always had her hair done just so. I am pretty particular about my hair, as well. There are other things, purses, jewelry, etc., that we discussed last night over cards and that made me ask the question, what part of the genetic code skipped my mom and went right to me? It’s not like my grandmother shaped and molded me to be like that. She died when I was in eighth grade, and while we spent time with her, it was never doing those types of things. Yet, somehow, these parts of who my grandmother was have been passed on to me.

Once you start asking that question and looking at different traits you have and where you might have picked those up, it really gets interesting.

I definitely got my work ethic from my dad – work hard, finish the job, and finish it well.

My Grandma Luttrell definitely passed on to me some cooking and baking skills, along with a healthy dose of dice-playing skills.

If you know my mom, you might not agree that I got my competitive spirit from her, but you obviously haven’t played pinochle with her then. I watch her play and what is going through her mind is the same as what is going through mine – “I don’t want to lose to these guys!” I also got her tendency to exaggerate a little (“You spilled that ALL OVER the floor!”), and her penchant for making all moments teachable moments.

The list could go on and on. Particularly when you start looking at your kids and what they have gotten from you.

Anne has easily picked up the flair for the dramatic from her mom. That and the tendency to want to make people happy.

Ty has my love of reading, good food, and staying busy.

But what all this really has me thinking about is what traits I have gotten from my Heavenly Father? What has He passed down to me through His DNA? What things have I picked up from Him just from spending time with Him and learning from Him? What of his characteristics would someone say I have gotten from Him?

Just for fun this morning I am including some pictures of Anne and I and Mike and Ty as babies so you can see how much our kids look like us. I hope it makes you smile as you think about these things today.

And what are some of the things that you have picked up from members of your family? I’d love to hear some of them.

Hidden Hurting

I was rocked this week when I heard of an acquaintance that took her life this past weekend. Part of the reason it hit so hard was because I saw her post on Facebook just prior to her death:

“Just wanted to say thanks to all my wonderful family & friends for all your love & kindness. I wont be using Facebook anymore so I just felt I should thank each of you for putting up with me when I didn’t deserve it. And for being a far better friend than I could be. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I will miss you. Love forever, ________________”

When I read this, I thought, perhaps they aren’t going to have internet anymore or maybe she has discovered that Facebook eats too much of her time, or a myriad of other things, but not even once did I think it was a final goodbye.

How often is this the case? How many people are hurting around us and we have no clue? Underneath their forced smiles is there a depth of pain that we cannot fathom? Are they just waiting for someone who really cares to ask them what’s going on in their life? And are we so busy and unaware that we continue on with our lives, so caught up in our own struggles, big or small, that we don’t even notice?

I hate to admit it, but sometimes, I think that is true of me. I may notice that someone looks down, but how often do I take a moment to go over and give them a hug or a word of encouragement? Sometimes, yes, I do, but every time? No. And as far as those people with whom I only connect “electronically” on a regular basis, how do I even begin to know what is going on with them if I am only stalking their status and not really ever engaging them in conversation?

And how about the reverse? If I am the one feeling down on a particular day, am I quick to seek out someone to share my pain? Not usually. It makes me too vulnerable. To have to admit I don’t have it all together all the time is more than I can do sometimes. Yet, if we want to be able to carry one another’s burdens as the Bible instructs us to do, at some point we have to get authentic with one another. We have to start sharing our stories. We have to start asking, and wanting to really hear the answer to, the hard questions about what we deal with in our lives. We have to start caring more for one another, and less about how people might view us. We have to start reaching out instead of drawing ourselves in.

We have to look for the hurts that are hiding, both just below the surface, as well as deep down. We have to start asking God to help us see those who are hurting with His eyes. And we have to reach out with His hands to bring comfort and healing.

Who are you reaching out to today?

A Lesson in Trust

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!   –Matthew 7:9-11

How easy is it for you to trust God? To trust that He truly does know what is best for you? To trust that His promises are true?

Do you ever find yourself seeing people who let you down and break your trust on earth and transferring those feelings of distrust on God?

On Sunday morning I did an object lesson with the kids in Kids Church that involved my daughter. I blindfolded her, asked her if she trusted me to give her what she needs, and she said yes. I proceeded to feed her grapes, popcorn, oyster crackers, and then, horror of all horrors, cauliflower. Two things that Anne hates are cauliflower and broccoli. She chewed it up, and even swallowed it despite the gag reflex that tried to take over. Then I asked her again, do you trust me? Again she answered yes, and this time I fed her a couple of pieces of candy (to help get the cauliflower taste out of her mouth.)

Anne had to make a choice to trust me, but at first that was pretty easy; after all I am her mom, I know her pretty well, she knows I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her in any way. And then she had to make a choice to trust me a second time, after remembering that I have a responsibility to take care of her and keep her healthy, even if that means making her eat cauliflower and broccoli every now and then.

I think that is how it is with us and God sometimes. Some things that happen to us aren’t bad or harmful, but we don’t like it or it makes us uncomfortable, and it makes us “blame” God or distrust His goodness. But we have to be able to trust that God is good and His plans for us are good, regardless of how we feel. We have to be able to say, “Yes, I choose to trust you, God, no matter what.”

That reminds me of one of my favorite passages of scripture, Daniel 3:16-18:

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Emphasis mine.)

That is trust – knowing that God is good, and God is able, but no matter what happens, God is still God, He is still good, and He is still able.

Are you ready to trust, “even if he does not” answer in the way you ask?

Cheers, Conversations, Couches and Cell Phones

This morning, as I reflect back over my weekend, I am thankful for the varied ways that we encounter life.

I spent Saturday morning with 34 girls, 4th through 7th grades, that make up the Jr. Comets Cheerleaders this year. I get the privilege of coaching these girls for the next three months, and I am excited about it. I have to admit, 34 pre-teen girls can sound pretty overwhelming, but after spending four hours with this crew, I am anticipating good things for this football season. These girls worked hard, even though it was hot. They listened, even when they were tired. And they played games to build teamwork, even when they didn’t understand what they were getting themselves into. And the parents, well, I can brag on them, too, as they brought way more food and drink than I asked for and were on-time and super-supportive of me and their girls on Saturday.

After a few hours of rest, we all met up again for a pool party. Here I got to have conversations with some of the cheer moms, as well as a couple other friends of mine. These conversations, though nothing spectacular, were a great pre-cursor to the conversations with other friends during our moonlight walk later that evening. The walking was good. The talking was great.

All the Saturday activities made for one tired Chrisy, so after church on Sunday morning, my couch was calling my name. And as lazy of a Sunday as it was, it was also a day of family. Playing with the kids, watching some sports and documentaries on TV together and talking about them, snuggling up under blankets and getting some amazing and sometimes hard-to-find family time was so rejuvenating for my soul. The day ended with kids taking turns playing Angry Birds on my phone and brushing my hair. A little bit of pampering for mommy that was very appreciated.

As I think about all this, I realize just how much we need different things at different times. And the Lord provides those for us. When I need to have hope, I spend a few hours with some girls who give me hope for a good football cheer season. When I need to have friends and conversation, those are provided. When I need rest and love, I get those in abundance. It would be easy to just go through the days (that we have planned out) and not see how God is providing and leading, but I am choosing to watch for Him and how He is at work in my life. Giving me what I need. Listening to my heart before I even speak. Guiding me through each day, even when it is hard. Trusting that I have much to watch for, listen for, and learn from.

How has God provided what you need lately?