Mike and I have always talked about the fact that neither of us are naturally patient people. It is definitely something that we have had to work on throughout our lives. If you don’t believe me, just ride in a car with us during heavy traffic, or when the people in front of us turning off of 59 onto CR6 don’t move fast enough with the green arrow and we have to wait another light cycle before we can get home.
And let’s be real, waiting for information and next steps when there is cancer growing inside your body doesn’t make patience any easier. And then when you add depression and anxiety to the mix, let’s just say my tear ducts aren’t clogged.
I was waiting for confirmation of the first surgery date this week, hoping that it would be moved to an earlier date than the “for sure” date of April 5. Needless to say, I will be waiting until April 5. And I’m struggling with that. It has already been over two months since the initial diagnosis, and by April 5, it will be over 3 months since the mammogram in which the cancer was seen.
But if there is one thing I know, it is that God’s timing is not my timing. It has been something I have had to learn and re-learn often in my (impatient) life. Pregnancy. Jobs. School. Ordination. Call. And any other number of times in my life when I had to live in the waiting space.
It is in these times that I find solace and comfort in the Psalms, when I remember that I can be strong, and take heart as I wait for the Lord.
I take refuge in you, Lord. Please never let me be put to shame. Rescue me by your righteousness! 2 Listen closely to me! Deliver me quickly; be a rock that protects me; be a strong fortress that saves me! 3 You are definitely my rock and my fortress. Guide me and lead me for the sake of your good name! 4 Get me out of this net that’s been set for me because you are my protective fortress. 5 I entrust my spirit into your hands; you, Lord, God of faithfulness— you have saved me. 6 I hate those who embrace what is completely worthless. I myself trust the Lord. 7 I rejoice and celebrate in your faithful love because you saw my suffering— you were intimately acquainted with my deep distress. 8 You didn’t hand me over to the enemy, but set my feet in wide-open spaces.
9 Have mercy on me, Lord, because I’m depressed. My vision fails because of my grief, as do my spirit and my body. 10 My life is consumed with sadness; my years are consumed with groaning. Strength fails me because of my suffering; my bones dry up. 11 I’m a joke to all my enemies, still worse to my neighbors. I scare my friends, and whoever sees me in the street runs away! 12 I am forgotten, like I’m dead, completely out of mind; I am like a piece of pottery, destroyed. 13 Yes, I’ve heard all the gossiping, terror all around; so many gang up together against me, they plan to take my life!
14 But me? I trust you, Lord! I affirm, “You are my God.” 15 My future is in your hands. Don’t hand me over to my enemies, to all who are out to get me! 16 Shine your face on your servant; save me by your faithful love! 17 Lord, don’t let me be put to shame because I have cried out to you. Let the wicked be put to shame; let them be silenced in death’s domain! 18 Let their lying lips be shut up whenever they speak arrogantly against the righteous with pride and contempt! 19 How great is the goodness that you’ve reserved for those who honor you, that you commit to those who take refuge in you— in the sight of everyone! 20 You hide them in the shelter of your wings, safe from human scheming. You conceal them in a shelter, safe from accusing tongues.
21 Bless the Lord, because he has wondrously revealed his faithful love to me when I was like a city under siege! 22 When I was panicked, I said, “I’m cut off from your eyes!” But you heard my request for mercy when I cried out to you for help.
23 All you who are faithful, love the Lord! The Lord protects those who are loyal, but he pays the proud back to the fullest degree. 24 All you who wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage.
Psalm 31 (CEB)
So, as I wait a couple more weeks for the first surgery, and who knows how long before the subsequent ones, I will continue to be courageous and filled with God’s strength in the waiting. Because simply honking the horn won’t speed things along this journey like it does the slowpokes in the left turn lane.
Today I have been bombarded with the fragility of life. First thing this morning I saw no fewer than six different posts on Facebook about loss of loved ones. Six.
Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, spouses, cousins, and friends whose earthly life is over. My heart is breaking for those who are facing these losses right now. I’ve been there and I know that it is hard in ways you can’t even comprehend until you are in the mist of the grief.
Of all of these losses, there is one that hit me like a punch in the gut this morning. We were just talking about him last night. The last update we saw just over a week ago was positive. We thought things were going well. And then suddenly they weren’t. And then this morning, we learned that he was gone, his fight over.
This one is tough for so many reasons. We shouldn’t be saying goodbye to friends our age. Of the four guys who stood up with Mike at our wedding, this is the second one we have lost to brain cancer. B was one of the most fun-loving people I have ever met in my life. My heart breaks for his wife and family who now have to find a new normal.
One of the questions that gets asked at times like these is, “why?” Why did this have to happen? Why do young people have to die? Why this person? Why now? Why? Why? Why?
And the thing is, the answer to this question is almost always, “I don’t know.” Which isn’t really an answer at all. In this life there will always be good and bad, joy and sorrow, gain and loss; it is simply the result of living in a world where sin entered through the choices of humankind, and with it brought darkness, pain, and trouble.
Perhaps the most troublesome issue in all of life is this, what we call the problem of evil, or more accurately the question of why a good God allows bad things to happen. (The theological term for this is theodicy, in case you wanted to know. If you didn’t want to know, you can be like my son and say, “thanks, but I don’t remember asking.” I won’t hear you, but you can say it.)
Theologians have attempted to reconcile the good God, bad things dilemma for centuries and there are all kinds of ways to address the issues and questions raised, (don’t worry, I’m not gonna pull out the theology books and get into the nitty gritty here) and yet, humanity still struggles with this conundrum. Why? Because pain hurts. Sorrow hurts. Loss hurts. And no one likes to hurt. And because no one likes to hurt, we look for ways to place blame, and for some, the easiest place to lay blame is on God.
One of the scriptures that we often use to talk about how Christians can go on living in the midst of troubles is John 16:33. here are just a few of the ways that this scripture is translated/paraphrased:
In other words, in the midst of anything and everything that the world can throw at you, you can still have peace and be confident that all will turn out for the best because the work of Jesus Christ has already taken care of it all. Here is where it get’s tricky to understand, though: while Christ has already overcome the world, we don’t see it. It’s already done, and yet it’s not fully evident to our eyes yet. And to live in the space between requires us to have faith.
When I was still a pretty small child, I spent a lot of time reading and memorizing passages in the bible. King James Version of course. This passage that speaks of the nature of faith was one of them:
Now faithisthesubstance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1
What I love most about this particular verse in this particular translation is the fact that faith is considered EVIDENCE. Our faith comes as a result of believing certain things are true about our God and our Savior, and that faith is EVIDENT in the way that we live our lives in light of those things that are unseen with human eyes.
Let me give you an example of this kind of faith (that also happens to brag on my mom a little.)
My dad passed away suddenly almost three years ago now. It was a HUGE blow to all of us, but was hardest for my mom, who lost her husband of nearly 45 years, less than a week before celebrating their 45th Wedding Anniversary. My parents did nearly everything together, and while they had been living in Greenville for a few years at that point, they didn’t have the roots here like they would have in Taylorville where they lived a big chunk of their married life.
Mom’s faith is what got her through those early days, and what still gets her through today. She misses my dad greatly, but she believes not only that Dad is with the Lord, but that God loves and cares for her every day. She has made new friends, created new routines, reached out to others, and at times I think she has a more active social life than I do. She also believes that God can (and does) use their story as a way to show others the saving power and grace of Jesus Christ. Her faith in God and the power of God’s story in their lives led her to write a book, and work hard to get the book published in order to share it with as many people as possible.
This is what faith looks like for her. This book (and so much more in her life) is just one piece of EVIDENCE that points to her deep faith and hope found in Jesus Christ.
While life can be all of those things listed at the top of this post, and much more, today I choose to finish this sentence this way:
Life is an opportunity in which to live lives of faith that is EVIDENT in all that we say and do.
How would you finish this sentence today? Leave a comment or send me a message and let’s talk!
I have been using the app Pray As You Go for awhile now. It is a wonderful tool for directing my prayers based on daily Bible readings, and paired with various musical selections and probing questions.
Tuesday morning’s reading was from Zechariah:
20 Thus says the Lord of hosts: Peoples shall yet come, the inhabitants of many cities; 21 the inhabitants of one city shall go to another, saying, “Come, let us go to entreat the favor of the Lord, and to seek the Lord of hosts; I myself am going.” 22 Many peoples and strong nations shall come to seek the Lord of hosts in Jerusalem, and to entreat the favor of the Lord. 23 Thus says the Lord of hosts: In those days ten men from nations of every language shall take hold of a Jew, grasping his garment and saying, “Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.”
Zechariah 8:20-23 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
As I listened to this scripture read a couple of times, the part that hit me was verse 23: Thus says the Lord of hosts: In those days ten men from nations of every language shall take hold of a Jew, grasping his garment and saying, “Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.”
What would that be like? To have people who grabbed ahold of us and begged to go with us because they knew God was with us?
The thing is, in order for someone to want to go with us for these reasons, we must be exhibiting qualities and professing faith that is evident not only to those who share our faith, but also to those who are observing us from a distance.
The question that I am pondering today is: am I living a life that draws people to God? This is what I want more than anything! I want to be living in such a way that brings glory, not to self, but to God alone, and draws others into a relationship with the God of my salvation.
So, what is it that draws people to God through us? I have some ideas, but I am curious about what you think. Leave a comment below and next week we will continue the discussion!
