Category: Depression

Believe the Lies? Or Know the Truth?

As I was doing my devotions last night I was struck by one of the readings (found in A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God). Here it is:

During one of the unfortunate wars between India and Pakistan, an Indian army officer was captured and kept incommunicado in Karachi till the end of the war, when he was set free, came back to India and told his experience. During his captivity, he said, he was allowed to read newspapers and listen to the radio, but, of course, only Pakistani newspapers and radio stations. Accordingly he heard and read day by day news of  the war which said repeatedly that India was losing on all fronts, and was about to be defeated. That was all the information he had. And yet, as he himself told when he was free in India recollecting his past captivity, he refused to believe even then that his country was losing, and was sure in his heart, in spite of all the constant propaganda to the contrary, that India was winning the war all along. And that was the fact. India was winning, and in a few days obtained the final victory that forced the peace. The experience of the gallant officer, when I read it in the press, gave me an example of how faith works in us…if only we too are proud of our heavenly citizenship, and gallant patriots of the Kingdom. All the information we receive is adverse and contrary to our beliefs. The Enemy is winning. Honesty does not pay, to tell the truth only creates problems, violence always gets the upper hand, and goodness has no place left in this troubled world. Those are the news we read and hear day by day and hour by hour. The Kingdom is being defeated, and there is no hope of victory. And yet, in our heart of hearts, we know that that is not true. In spite of all the enemy propaganda we know deep down in our conscience that the Kingdom is winning, that truth prevails, that honesty pays, and Jesus is King. This is heavenly patriotism, which is divine faith. Let us wait in joyful patience for the final news, and when victory comes we will tell our experience.
–From Faith for Justice by Carlos G. Valles

I was blown away by this for many reasons. How often do we believe the lies of society about ourselves–we aren’t good enough, we aren’t pretty enough, we don’t have it all together like that person–instead of the truth of who we are in Christ–we are more than conquerors, we are His beloved, His strength is made perfect in our weakness? The same can be said for what is reported to us regularly that Christianity is on the decline in the United States. When we hear this and believe it, do we tend to then say it doesn’t matter whether we share our faith or not because of the decline, instead of believing that God’s plan is for ALL to accept Him so that He can redeem them and that our God is victorious?

As you think about this idea, are there lies that you are believing instead of having faith in the Truth of God’s Words? I encourage you to ask for God’s discernment in those areas so that you can see the truth of who God is and who you are in Him.

Battling the Blahs

If I am perfectly honest, today I don’t have much. I have been kind of blah for the last few days. Maybe it is coming home from camp. Maybe it is that my parents just left for Alabama for another couple of months. Maybe it is that life has been too busy. Or maybe it is a combination of all of that and more, or something else altogether.

But I was reminded this week of a way to beat those blahs by a friend of mine who called and left a message on my voice mail at work. He said that every morning he tries to start the day off by thanking the Lord for His presence. He then asks the Lord to help him remember people who have been a special encouragement or blessing to him. That particular day he remembered something specific that I had done for him that helped him when he was feeling pretty blah himself, so he called to tell me thank you for that action and those words that I had shared with him. Needless to say, I was blessed and I saved that message to listen to occasionally.

So that is my challenge for me and for you today. Thank the Lord for His presence. Then ask Him to help you remember someone who has been a special encouragement or blessing to you. It could be something that happened yesterday, last week, or last year. But don’t stop there. Call that person. Send them an e-mail. Write them a note of thanks. Do something to acknowledge the fact that they are a special gift from God to you.

I bet when you do that, the blahs will disappear.

The World on My Shoulders

As someone who struggles with depression, I often deal with what I call “heavy” days. Those days are the ones where I feel down, pensive, like the walls are closing in, like the world is literally resting on my shoulders and I can’t lift it off. Sometimes those feelings have no discernible source. It begins and I can’t tell why and it is really hard to reverse.

Other days there are what I would call internal reasons for those feelings. A bad day of eating. Missing a run. A fight with my husband. Frustration with my kids (or myself for how I dealt with the kids). A bad day at work. These things may or may not be in my control to change, but at least I can pinpoint what is going on and attempt to turn it around.

Then there are days when I feel heavy about things I can’t fix or change quickly (or even at all if it is just me). Those societal things that just crush me. Hatred. Injustice. Judgmental people. Poverty. Bigotry. Racism. Sexism. Oppression. Division. Pride. Superiority. An “I am right and you are wrong” or “God’s on my side” mentality.

And while I know that all of those things really need to be addressed somehow, the only way for me to turn any of this around and be lifted back up out of my funk, is to remember that I am loved, and that love saves me. Daily.

It saves you, too.

Saved by Love
Amy Grant

Laura loves her little family,
And she’s the kind of woman who loves them with her life.
But sometimes in the evening,
When the world rests on her shoulders
With four walls closing in,
She’ll close her eyes.

Oh

It’s not like she misses being younger,
Though she never was in Vogue magazine or on TV;
Her husband loves her dearly,
And the morning shows her clearly,
Kisses her little baby girl.
Laura, she’s the queen of the world.

Can’t imagine ever leaving now,
Now that she’s been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Listen to her quiet heart singing loud.
Laura, she’s been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
I know that she’s been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Saved by love.

There’s nothing quite like my family’s love to warm me,
And nothing short of death’s gonna ever leave me cold.
Well, still at times it’s lonely,
But through it all it only
Makes me love Jesus more,
And this is what He came here for.

I can’t imagine ever leaving now.
Now that I’ve been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
He’s gone and turned my crazy world back around,
And I’ve been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
I know that I’ve been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love

Oh, I’m never leaving now,
Now that I’ve been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
He’s gone and turned my crazy world back around,
And I’ve been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Amy, she’s been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love
Saved by love.

I’m saved by love.

That’s right.
And nothing I can say,
Nothing I can do, nothing I can say.

We’re all just saved by love.
Nothing you can say, nothing you can do.
Only love can say, only love can do,
Only love can say.

Only love can say, only love can do,
Only love can say.

I’m say-yay-yaved by,
I’m saved by, by,
Nothing you can do, nothing you can say,
Only love can say

Monitor Yourself

I received this e-mail this morning:

IMPORTANT INFORMATION—PLEASE READ CAREFULLY: 

High temperatures and humidity are predicted for Saturday.  These conditions put runners at increased risk for heat-related problems.  Please remember to stay well-hydrated and monitor yourself.  You may need to slow your pace and/or take other suitable precautions to minimize the risk of heat-related problems.

On Saturday, I am running a race with 35,000 other people. The race organizers can’t personally watch each and every one of us, run along side, tell us to drink, tell us to slow down or make us be careful. The best they can do is to warn us of the danger, and have people at various points along the route offering hydration, watching for those that are struggling, and offer first aid if the need arises.

So, basically the most important words in this whole message are: monitor yourself.

Only I will know if I need to slow down. Only I will know when I need to drink more. Only I will know what is happening in my body. When it gets to the point that someone else notices there is something wrong, it is because I have not monitored myself, or I haven’t listened to my body and things have gotten out of control.

I think the same is true for so many other things in our life. Secret sin. Pride. Mental health. Physical health. Spiritual health. We are the ones who have to be always watching, always alert to what is happening inside of us. We are the ones who should be noticing the first hint that something is off kilter in any area. We shouldn’t have to wait for someone else to point out issues that need attention.

Yet, often, that is exactly what happens. For example, your temper is very short. You don’t even realize just how short until one of your kids says, “Mommy, why are you yelling at me all the time.” And then you feel bad and start to analyze what is going on that would bring you to that point. Maybe you’ve had a stressful week and you haven’t been able to get your regular exercise or devotions in. Maybe your husband has been short with you and you are responding to that. No matter what, it is something that you could have caught and stopped if you had been monitoring yourself.

I read this from The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg this week:

Impulses formed in the brain can be measured during neurosurgery. I decide that I am going to move my hand, and then that impulse travels to the hand. But in between the brain activity and the movement of the hand, there is what one researcher calls the “life-giving quarter-second.”

There is a quarter-second between when that impulse takes place in your brain and when that action takes place in your body. And that quarter-second–although it doesn’t sound like very long in the life of the mind–is huge. The apostle Paul wrote, “In your anger do not sin…and do not give the devil a foothold.” That quarter-second is the time when the Holy Spirit can take control. That is when you can give the foothold to the Holy Spirit or you can give it to sin. That one quarter-second in your mind can be an opportunity to say, “Spirit, I’ve got this impulse right now; should I act on it?”

It was a long hot day, the car had broken down once, the air conditioning wasn’t working, the kids weren’t behaving, and Nancy wasn’t being too good either. I tried enticing the kids into “the quiet game,” but they weren’t going for it. I got lost. I was frustrated. The kids spilled food. Finally, the noise level went beyond what I could bear. There was a life-giving quarter-second, but I blew right past it. I wasn’t interested. And I used language on my kids that I had never used before, that I never thought I would.

It is amazing how the desire to hurt someone you love can be so strong in your body one moment and then lead to such pain when you indulge it. But another piece of good news is that when you blow it–and you will blow it–God sends another quarter-second right behind.

And you can get right back into the flow.

We constantly have the opportunity to make choices. Choices about what we wear. Choices about what we say. Choices about how we react. And the more aware of who we are and what is going on inside of us, the more we are able to make better choices. Choices that build up. Choices that give encouragement. Choices that show love.

I will definitely be monitoring how I am doing on race day this Saturday. But even more importantly, I will be working to monitor what is going on in my heart and mind always.

How well do you do at monitoring yourself?

Some Days are Better Than Others

I have been talking and thinking about my mind quite a bit lately, and you’ve been reading some of my thoughts about how we have the ability to choose what we focus on. Today, I need to be reminded of some of those ideas about how I am able to rise above and change my outlook, so I re-read one of my favorite posts by Kristin Armstrong from her book, Mile Markers. (She blogs here: http://milemarkers.runnersworld.com/) And since I am not really flowing with words today, I thought I would just share hers with you.

Anti-Venom

I started yesterday off on the wrong foot.

My alarm didn’t go off, somehow I switched the am and pm on my phone so we got up 12 minutes late and our mornings are timed to precision, the kids were arguing non-stop, Luke wouldn’t eat his granola because Isabelle coughed somewhere in the vicinity and it was deemed contaminated, Isabelle ripped out her ponytails twice because she said I made them uneven, my coffee got cold while I was packing lunches and when I reheated it in the microwave it burnt my tongue rendering the remainder of my day tasteless, Isabelle decided now was a good time to change the rabbit cage, Grace was taking a stand against oral hygiene despite her dragon breath, and Charlie (our Cavalier King Charles puppy) lifted his leg and peed on the corner of the kitchen island.

We made it to school with seconds to spare and I hate rushing my mornings and parting in a scramble, especially the mornings before the kids have a Daddy weekend.  I called the vet and made an appointment for the leg-lifter to get snipped.  I took big dog Mercy for a run, hoping that some hills and her steady company would restore my equilibrium, but I walked back into my house under the same cloud.  I tried to write but my desk was too littered with bills and mail to welcome creative thought, so I wasted the rest of my morning idea-less, excavating stacks of paper.

And then, out of nowhere, it hit me.  The only way I was going to snap out of my sour was with a serious intervention.  With sudden clarity, I knew that if I did not flood my poisonous mood with the anti-venom, my day and I were going down.  For those of you who watch less Animal Planet than I do or who did not win the science fair in high school (I really did), let me explain that anti-venom is created when a tiny bit of venom is introduced into a subject, creating an immune response that generates antibodies that fight the venom.  These antibodies can be harvested and used on behalf of others.  In my particular moody case, the anti-venom would consist of the antibodies of kindness,specifically the unspoken kind.  What I mean is, the thoughts or gestures we think about but don’t make time to say or do.  I got quiet with my grumpy self and thought about the previous few days, combing my existence for the things that struck me but were quickly dismissed.  I wrote them down.  I started to feel a wee bit better.  Then I took action.

1.  I called the groomer who had taken care of our old dog Boone the day before.  Boone is impossible to groom.  He’s over 12, and many moons ago he once fell off our deck in France so he’s a bit off, somewhat contorted and stiff, almost palsied.  I told her that when I drove Boone over the previous day, I was close to tears noticing his old age and overall bad state.  But after her tenderness and magic, he looked so much better, even had a newfound bit of spunk that I attributed to his fresh-do.  I told her that I understood how difficult and time-consuming it must be to work with him, but that I really appreciated her effort and I thought he looked beautiful.  She was quiet for a minute before she told me I made her week.

2. I have a dear friend Dawn who can’t stand being cold.  A mother of a cold front is blowing outside my office window as I type, and we all knew it was coming.  So yesterday I finished the scarf I had been knitting for her since before Christmas and dropped it on her doorstep with a note telling her to stay warm and I love her.

3. My coach and friend, Cassie, hates to be sick (we all hate it but she HATES it with narrowed eyes and spite) and has a nasty sinus infection.  I thought about this on Wednesday, the way that she summons her energy for her clients and friends, even when she ends up with none left to spare for herself.  I left her a message to tell her how much that meant to me.  She left word later on my voice mail that I had saved her day.

4. I wrote a note to the librarian who hosted Luke’s scout den earlier this week for our monthly meeting.  She gave us a tour of her library, making books and reference materials totally interesting to a group of ten year old boys.  She finished with a scavenger hunt, which was a giant hit as you can imagine.  She has a tremendous gift in her way with children, the kind of gift that makes you stop what you’re doing and pay attention.  She has probably heard this countless times, but I wanted her to hear it from me, in pen, on my stationary.  I mailed that.

And before I realized it had taken place, my day, my mood, my sense of humor, perspective, and appreciation had all been restored.  I am not sharing this in an,”Aw, Look How Sweet I Am” kind of way.  I’m sharing this in a, “Holy Crap Was I Sour” kind of way.  I wonder how often we make a swift mental note of something or someone meaningful and it slides into oblivion because we are in such a blasted hurry all the time.

I want to encourage you, no I flat out dare you, to try this infusion of light the next time your mood goes dark.  It was the fastest road I have ever taken to getting back on track, so from one runner to another, I share the route with you.

So, what kind of anti-venom do you need to infuse into your life today?

Rewiring

Lately I have been bombarded with the idea of changing the way I think.

Three different books, as well as some Scripture, have been pounding this idea to me over and over.

The marathon training book I have been reading each week (The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer) is constantly talking about how the psychological game is just as important, if not more so, than the physiological one. It has given me ideas about how to approach tough runs, long runs, distractions, and so much more by changing my perspective and the way that I think about it. And it works. On Wednesday this week I had a terrible run. I felt sluggish, slow, and didn’t feel like I could finish, but I made the decision that my body was able to do it and I wasn’t quitting until it was done. And guess what? I finished.

The book I am reading with my friend, Tina, (The Me I Want to Be) has also been talking about our mind and how we need to change how we think if we want to change ourselves. My favorite line is this, “You cannot get rid of the skunk odor without getting rid of the skunk.” He goes on to talk about how we need to monitor our thoughts so that we can reset them to a better frequency, or in another example he uses, setting the thermostat to create a target climate. “It is a constant process, but the goal is for the system to create a life-giving climate.” We don’t choose to stop thinking negative thoughts, but rather we choose to “set our minds on those thoughts that equip us for life.” Our thought life has enormous power over us, and we can choose how that power is used.

Then, in the book I am reading just for fun (Mile Markers) I ran across this quote last night:

So, now you can see why rewiring the mind is on my mind these days. I guess I need to keep working on that.

What ways do you need to rewire your mind?

Sticks and Stones…

I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking lately about words. Words that we say to ourselves. Words that we say to others. Words that we hear from others. Words that have power.

We all know that the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is one of the most untrue statements in the world. Whoever changed that to “…but words can hurt the most” made it much more accurate.

Words can hurt. Words can heal. Words can encourage. Words can destroy. The power of a single word is so strong, and yet, we tend to let our words fly without any concern for how they sound or what they are doing to the person they are directed to.

There are a few different areas in which the power of words has become very apparent to me lately.

  1. When I am running and I am tired, sometimes the difference between finishing a run and having to walk comes down to the words I am telling myself. If I am rehearsing how tired I feel, how my legs feel like lead, how my breathing is struggling, etc., you can bet that I will be walking soon. But if I am saying to myself that I have this, I can do this, I am a strong runner, my lungs are feeling good, etc., it is amazing how much strength and energy that gives me and I can finish the run.
  2. When you have kids, particularly a daughter that is 11 and the change from a smile to tears happens in a nanosecond, you quickly realize that your words make a huge difference in how quickly the tears change back to a smile. I am finding that I have to be very careful in how I respond to her these days and am trying to use words that build her up and encourage her in this time of her life that is scary and constantly changing.
  3. When life is difficult, we often tend to commiserate with others about how hard things are. But, if we would instead talk about the things that are going well, and look for those things that are positive in our lives, our attitudes would be greatly different, even about the hard stuff. It’s easy to wallow. It’s hard to rise above it. But if we choose to speak those positive words, we would notice an overall change in our outlook.

There are many other areas where our words are important: how we speak to our friends, co-workers, spouses, etc. It is so important for us to speak positive, encouraging words that build up rather than tear down, whether it be for ourselves or those around us. Yet it is so hard sometimes. But that is when we need to pray Psalm 141:3, “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips,” and we need to make sure that what is going into us is positive so that what is coming out is positive as well.

Let’s work on that together.

When is it hardest for you to speak words that encourage?

Coming Down

Our "White" Christmas on the Gulf Shores Beach

My family and I spent the last 10 days of 2011 along the Gulf Coast of Alabama with my mom and dad. We had a “white Christmas” on the beach, we played cards and other games, we worshiped together, we laughed, we played our new Wii, we played on the beach, we visited a Naval air museum, we played mini-golf, etc. You get the idea – we had a whole lot of family time with no schedule constraints or commitments. Even after we came home we had a couple of days of just hanging out and being together.

And then Daddy went back to work. And then the kids went back to school and I came back to work. And we are once again trying to balance life amidst schedules and commitments, as well as meals, dishes, laundry, work, and more.

I knew it was coming. It always does. That feeling of coming down. That feeling that you wish you could just stay in vacation-mode forever. That feeling of wanting to run away from real life because it is so much harder than what it seems like it should be.

It’s no wonder I feel that way. I just had nearly two weeks of nothing but my family. Quality time with them. Conversations with them. Hugs, kisses, and snuggles with them. My husband’s undivided attention. There was almost no TV. There was very little to distract us from simply having fun as a family.

And in real life there is 40 hours a week of work (times 2). There are bills to pay. There is a house to keep clean.  There is a lot of stuff that just isn’t fun and it feels like it distracts us from one another.

It’s almost enough to say it isn’t worth going away because I know how it feels to come back.

Almost. But not really at all.

I can’t imagine going through real life all the time and never getting those special times as a family. And the real-life times are where we learn to make priorities. That’s where we learn what it means to be a family so that we can have fun together when we are away. Those real-life times are the ones that bond us together and teach us about one another.

Despite the feeling of coming down that I get when I return from a break, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I strive to enjoy every moment with my family. The fun ones; the learning ones; the real-life ones and the vacation ones.

Bring on real life!

How do you feel when you return from a vacation and how do you deal with it?

Gotta Go Through

The other day I got to work and this is the picture that was on my desktop background. It is just a random picture that was on the computer when I got it and I have chosen to use a number of the stock pictures on the computer and they change every hour or so. I have seen this picture before and it is beautiful; one of my favorites. But the other day I noticed something about it that I hadn’t before. I saw the mountains in the background and I wanted to get to them. The only problem is, there is water between me and the mountains. And as far as I can see in either direction there is water, or at least swampy ground. The only way to the mountains is to go through the water (or take a really long detour around and try to find a place where there is no water).

And I got to thinking, this is how the Christian life is; and even life in general. We want to make it to the mountain; we have a goal of some kind (usually multiple ones one right after the other). We want to know the Bible better. We want to be able to pray deeper. We want to be helping others more easily and readily. We want to lose weight and get in shape. We stand on the edge of the water, wanting to get to the mountain, but not willing to go through the water to get there. We want instant gratification rather than the process. But we can’t know the Bible more without going through the water and actually spending time reading it. And we won’t ever pray deeper if we aren’t spending time in the water of prayer. We won’t ever help others more until we get into the water and start doing it. We won’t ever lose weight and get in shape without watching what we eat and exercising.

Sometimes we may try to figure out ways to get to the mountain without crossing the water. We look for ways around it, but all we find is that we have followed a detour that got us no closer to the mountain, and there is still water that has to be crossed. But this water may be swampy, and murky, and harder to cross than the first water.

The lesson for us is simple. We have to do the work, go through the water and get wet, in order to achieve our goals and get to the mountain. It won’t be easy, but when we see progress we will be encouraged to continue.

What water are you needing to go through to reach your mountain?

Get Up!

Today I’m blogging about a blog post. Yes, it’s odd, but hear me out. I was reading Jon Acuff’s blog for today and was really struck but one paragraph in particular:

“When you fail, get up the next day. When you succeed, get up the next day. When the shine of your scene wears off, stay on it. When another scene looks distracting and attractive, stay on your scene.”

This time of year is always tough for me. It seems as if the cooler temperatures and dreary days bog me down in multiple ways. I want to eat everything in sight – almost like my body wants to add a layer of fat to ward off the cold. I want to stay curled up in my bed sleeping, reading, and watching TV rather than going out to exercise. I want to completely hole up in my house, and yet never actually do anything like clean or cook. I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t want to do anything that requires an effort.

And when I allow some of these things to happen – I eat a few cookies or sleep in one day – I tend to beat myself up and start asking, “what’s the point of even trying?”

And then I remember how hard I worked last spring to get the house in order and how I don’t want to have to do that again this spring.

And then I remember how hard I worked to lose 49 pounds and how I don’t want that weight back on my body.

And then I remember how hard I worked to get to the place where running 5 miles is easy and I don’t want to lose that.

And then I remember how hard I have worked to change my eating habits and I don’t want to regress.

And then I remember that there is nothing stopping me from starting fresh at any moment except me.

I get to choose. I get to “get up” every day and decide how I am going to proceed with the day. I get to say yes or no to the snacks. I get to say yes or no to the exercise. I get to leave the TV off and cook dinner for my family. Sometimes I may fail. But the next chance to choose well is just around the corner.

What area of your life do you need this reminder for today?