Tag: gratitude

C is for…

If you didn’t start singing “C is for cookie” in a Cookie Monster voice, we can’t be friends.

Just kidding. Kind of.

One of my favorite necklaces, inspired by Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

C is for a lot of things:

  • Cookies
  • Cake
  • Candy
  • Coffee
  • Church
  • Choir
  • Cheerleading
  • Coloring
  • Children (mostly my own)
  • Castle (as in the TV show with Nathan Fillion)
  • Cuddles (with my dog Brindley of course)
  • and of course, Chrisy (or Christina, as my dad would call me)

There are loads of things that start with the letter “C” that I absolutely love. But recently, I have become intimately familiar with another “C” word that I could do without.

Cancer.

Two months ago today, my annual screening mammogram turned into an additional mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy all on the same day. About 9 days later I got the results of the biopsy, and I was diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer. Because of my age, and other family history, I then underwent genetic testing which found that I am positive for BRCA2, a harmful variant in a particular gene that increases my risk, not only of breast cancer, but of other types of cancers as well.

I have to say, I’m not feeling too fond of that good ol’ letter “C” these days.

I have waffled back and forth whether to take this news public on a grander scale than how it naturally spreads. One day I feel like I should just keep it to myself and the circle of people around me. The next I feel like I should share my journey in case it can help others who may face this in the future. What ultimately pushed me into sharing this journey on my blog? A couple of things.

  1. I process things through words. Spoken words. Written words. Words that run through my mind. To be able to sit down and write what I am thinking and feeling (and sometimes to then erase it all and start over) is therapeutic and cathartic. I am keeping a journal, which holds some of my personal thoughts (and rants, and tears), but blogging helps me to really think through things and draw connections to other areas of life.
  2. I am realizing how important it is for me to hear the stories of others who have been on this journey, to hear their ups and downs, their struggles and fears, and ultimately, the way they have overcome this disease. If that helps me, then maybe my story can help others.

I’m not sure how often I will post. I’m not sure what the content will be exactly. I do know that I miss blogging and haven’t made it a priority for awhile, so this is impetus to get back to doing something that I love, hopefully in a way that is meaningful for both myself and for you, my readers.

At the end of the letter I sent to the congregation I serve telling them about this diagnosis, I wrote this:

As I was preparing to leave Greenville to relocate here for this call, a friend gave me a wall hanging, which hangs in my bathroom where I see it every day. It says, “Trust the next chapter, because you know the Author.” The circumstances in which I need to trust God may be different now than then, but the truth of this statement remains the same. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in every situation because thanksgiving is God’s will for us. That is the stance that I will be taking throughout this journey, consistently looking for all the gifts for which I have to be grateful.

Gift from a good friend when I moved from Illinois to Alabama

So, I will choose to end each post with something for which I am grateful. Sometimes they will be very off-the-wall or funny, because if I don’t laugh, I will be a puddle of tears on the floor.

Today I am grateful for something my husband said the other night. It isn’t profound. It wasn’t particularly supportive. But it has made me smile every day when I remember it. When asked what he was thinking about and how he was feeling in light of the BRCA2 news, he looked at me and said, “It sucks. But so does dying.”

So there you go. Cancer sucks, and I don’t plan on dying, so instead, I’ll be kicking it’s a$$.

What We Need

“2019 has been a rough year for me,” is the nice version of what I have been saying about this year that has brought with it many challenges.

There’s just one problem with this statement: 2019 hasn’t ONLY brought challenges! 2019 has also brought with it celebrations, vacations, girls trips, lake days, family time, laughter and so much more.

And yet, my focus has been on anything but these positive pieces of the year.

Why is that? Why do we tend to focus on the bad/hard/frustrating stuff instead of the good/uplifting/amazing stuff?

I think it is because we have allowed ourselves to be conditioned to see everything in black (bad) and white (good), AND we have allowed ourselves to fall into the complaining trap.

Remember Thumper from Bambi?

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

We tend to think about what Thumper’s mother taught him in terms of what we say to others, which is a good practice to have. But what we say to OURSELVES is just as important!

When we consistently tell ourselves that 2019 has been a crappy year, guess what? 2019 is going to look like a crappy year because we are focused on the crappy stuff that we have had to go through. BUT, if we were to change that narrative to say there have been some struggles in 2019, as there are in any year, but there have been some REALLY GOOD things this year that have brought me joy, how might our entire outlook on the year change?

I was reminded of this (AGAIN – it takes time for me to learn stuff sometimes) in a conversation I had last week. And as a result of that conversation, I pulled out my Gratitude Journal that I started a few years ago, while reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

I had made it to 300 before the journal got buried underneath other stuff in my Contemplative Corner, which is a pretty good picture of what had happened in my life lately. I had let the stuff of life cover over my gratitude.

So on Friday afternoon last week, I laid outside in my hammock, listening to the sounds of nature and community, and over the course of an hour or so I added 50 more items to my list. And you know what happened by doing that one action? I felt my heart shift. I felt my eyes begin to see things in a fresh light (again). I found myself looking for things for which I am thankful. I found myself grabbing that Gratitude Journal and adding to the list almost daily.

When we choose to focus on gratitude, it becomes almost impossible to complain. You know why? Because we don’t see the things to complain about, we only see things for which we are grateful. It’s all about our FOCUS!

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” and  Psalm 118:29 (along with MANY other places) says, “O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

When we FOCUS on giving thanks IN every circumstance (note: this is NOT giving thanks FOR every circumstance), and we recognize the goodness and the love of God that endures forever (despite whatever circumstances we are facing), our outlook can’t help but be one of thanksgiving and gratitude.

And the more we are grateful, the more we see for which to be grateful, which makes us more grateful, and so on, and so on. It’s kind of like a gratitude snowball that keeps building and building as it goes.

I know it is Wednesday, and Mondays are usually the music days, but since I didn’t get a blog up on Monday, you get a twofer today. This song says it beautifully. So take a listen and then take a few minutes to write down some stuff for which you are thankful. It’s what we all need.