Tag: help

Why is It So Hard?

Less than a week out from surgery and if you ask me how I am doing and I say I’m doing fine – call me on it because I am lying. The truth is, while I am definitely anxious about the surgery and the recovery and whatever treatment comes next (before diving in to more surgeries), I am also anxious about something else.

Help.

I have so much I want to have done before surgery:

  • house (spotlessly) clean
  • spring yard work (perfectly) done
  • patio and deck prepped and ready so I can enjoy it while I am recovering
  • loose ends tied up at the office for my time away

The list could go on and on.

And let’s just acknowledge the fact that right after I got the cancer diagnosis, I also started a Doctor of Ministry program, so between those two things, I am behind on the basic upkeep of all of the above, which makes me embarrassed to invite people into my home that isn’t up to my normal standards of order and cleanliness.

Thankfully, I have friends who are being very good to push me to do something that I don’t do easily.

Ask for help.

Yesterday, I messaged a friend and asked her why it was so hard for me to ask for help. She told me three things:

  1. You are used to being the care-giver, not the care-receiver .
  2. You like being in control and not feeling vulnerable.
  3. You don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

And she’s absolutely not wrong. But one of the things I am learning through this process is that people really do want to help, and by not asking for help, I am robbing them of an opportunity to care for me and be of help in a situation in which they, too, feel quite helpless on my behalf. Not to mention, as a pastor, I think it is important to model asking for help when needed, and it is important for me to understand how hard it is for others to ask for help.

So, yesterday, I asked for help. And today a number of my friends are coming over to help me knock out my long list of to-dos before next week’s surgery. Am I grateful? Absolutely. Am I an anxious mess? Of course I am. Am I embarrassed about the current level of disarray in my yard and house? You betcha. But, am I doing my best to let go of all of that in order to both lessen my stress and invite those who love me to help in a tangible way? I’m trying.

Here’s to asking for help, and receiving it with grace and humility.

If you want to keep up with information about surgery or find ways that you can help us out, head over to https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/V5A7Q4H.

No Words

Lately I have been thinking about times when there are no words.

I have opened this page up to write a blog almost daily for the last couple of weeks, but there have been no words.

I mean, sure there are words running around in my head, but nothing coherent or formed that I could put down.

Life is busy. Life is crazy. Life is wonderful and hard all at once.

I have been re-watching Dawson’s Creek. Yes, I know how pathetic that sounds. Mike and I watched the entire series when it aired on television (don’t take away his man-card, we were newlyweds and I wanted to watch it) and while scrolling through Hulu a few weeks back I saw that it was among the offerings of shows available to me with the touch of a button. In a moment of weakness, I pushed play.

One of the things that I have (again) noticed about this show is the massive amount of words that pour out of these (supposedly) teenage kids. Always talking, analyzing and waxing eloquent about this, that, and the other circumstances in their lives. Rarely do you see any of them in a place where they have no words.

And while part of me thinks that is no where close to reality, another part of me realizes that we often talk too much. But the difference is we talk about nothing, because we have no words to really talk about the hard stuff. We can find lots of words to talk about the stuff that doesn’t much matter. We can talk about the weather, how busy we are in general terms, how we don’t like this or that about home/work/school/church/community, and what our plans our for the weekend. But when it really comes down to it, the words that we need to speak stay unspoken.

When struggling with yet another bout of depression, we don’t speak the words, “help,” to anyone.

When experiencing deep pain and sorrow, we put on a happy face and answer, “fine” when asked how we are doing.

When watching friends go through the pain of divorce, we don’t know what to say, so we say nothing.

When seeing others grieving loss of one kind or another, we allow them to suffer in silence for one reason or another.

When witnessing the downward spiral and loss of faith of a community member, we stay silent.

When observing someone making poor choices, we choose not to talk with them about it.

The thing is, in those times that there are no words, sometimes words are exactly what is needed. Not surface conversation. Not platitudes that make empty promises. But words that acknowledge the truth. Because, you see, something happens when you acknowledge the truth and speak it out.

Healing can begin.

Help can arise.

Hope can be proclaimed.

Comfort can be given.

Faith can be renewed.

Love can be shown.

Let’s work on learning how to speak the words that need to be spoken, the hard words, the words that don’t want to come, and the ones that bring truth, healing, help, hope, comfort, faith and love into our lives and the lives of those around us.

It Matters

I was driving home from teaching PiYo early on Wednesday morning and this song began playing. I have heard it so many times it shouldn’t have caught me any differently than before. But it did.

And then Wednesday at noon we were talking in Bible study about how in our culture we tend to take a step back and not try to change anything because we are either overwhelmed with the immensity of the problem and we don’t think that the little bit that we could do would make a difference or we don’t want to stand out from the crowd and be ridiculed or perhaps even persecuted for trying to go against the status quo.

For all of you who wonder if what you do makes a difference.

  • If helping one person has any impact at all on the world.
  • If standing up for the rights of a group of people changes how they are treated.
  • If making right choices in your life makes the world a better place.
  • If pouring your heart and soul into what you feel called to do affects the people around you.

It does. It is worth it. It is needed.

Change begins small and grows. A fire begins with a single spark. One rock dropped into the water makes ever-increasing ripples.

But even if you aren’t able to see how what you are doing is making an impact on the world around you, it is making an impact on you. You are making a stand and a statement by doing what is right, by helping others, and by giving your best. And in the process you are letting people know that you care enough to do something that may not gain you a thing except a stronger character.

“As long as one heart holds on, then hope is never really gone.”

Keep being the change that you want to see. Even when it is hard. Even when it goes unnoticed.

It makes a difference.

Garth Brooks video: The Change from Big Chief Studio on Vimeo.

The Change
by Garth Brooks

One hand reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
And they say,
“What good have you done by saving just this one”
It’s like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying,
“You’ll never change things
And no matter what you do
It’s still the same thing”
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so, this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart still believes
That love and mercy still exist
While all the hatreds rage
And so many say
“That love is all but pointless,
In madness such as this
“It’s like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss”

And I hear them saying,
“You’ll never change things
And no matter what you do
It’s still the same thing”
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so, this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

And I hear them saying,
“You’ll never change things
And no matter what you do
It’s still the same thing”
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so, this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so, this world will know
That it will not change me