Tag: parenting

Put it Down

Put it Down

Electronics. Tablets. iPods. Computers. Gaming systems. Handheld devices. Phones.

They are EVERYWHERE!

I love technology! I don’t know what I would do without my iPhone, my iPad, my iPod, and my MacBook Air. I think the world might end if I didn’t have a DVR, Netflix and Hulu. My husband would not know what to do without DirecTV and all the sports/fishing/hunting shows he likes to watch. Jumping on the trampoline is so much more fun when you can take the tablet outside and listen to music, according to Anne. And Ty, well, one word, Minecraft.

I hate electronics. I know, I just said I love technology, and I do, I just hate what it is doing to the family and to parenting.

Somewhere along the way, television became a babysitter for many people, and now all our mobile devices, gaming systems, and the like have taken over.

What happened to sitting around a table and playing a board game or card game together?

What happened to sitting on the porch talking to one another?

These days, kids have their heads buried in whatever device or game is currently the “it” thing, and parents are no better.

And the sad thing is, we are seeing the fruits of it everywhere we go. Just look around you the next time you are in a public place. What percentage of people are carrying on conversations with the people around them and what percentage are looking at (or distracted from their conversation by) a screen of some kind?

Technology and electronic devices are not bad. But when they are used in excess and in place of human interaction, they hinder the development of the family.

Children need their parents, not a screen. They need to see mom and dad’s eyes, not the tops of their heads.

Our family is as guilty of this as the next.

The problem is it is easy for me to pick up the iPad and check on Facebook. It is easy for my kids to grab the tablet to check on whatever game they are currently playing. It is easy for Mike to pick up the remote and have the television on all evening.

But in order for us to operate as a family, we can’t all hole up with our respective devices and be completely isolated while sitting in the same room.

So we have to set boundaries. In our house, the kids are not allowed to use any electronic devices (exception: Anne’s “dumb” phone when she is away from us, or television when we are watching as a family) from bedtime Sunday night through after school on Friday. And this is true even in the summer. No weekday electronic use. And on the weekends it is limited. An hour-and-a-half maximum per day. Now, there are sometimes when we get lax on the weekends – particularly if it is nasty weather outside, but that is the exception rather than the rule.

There are lots of reasons that we have gone this direction. First of all, we have seen what happens to children with an addiction to gaming and electronics – they grow up to be adults addicted to gaming and electronics. In addition, it is so important for kids to be able to go outside and play, or find ways to be creative inside. But probably the most important reason is that when the kids aren’t distracted with electronics they are present and interacting with us, which means they are talking to us. And with a teen and pre-teen, talking is crucial for us to know what is happening in their lives.

So these things are all good, and it works for us. But, in addition, Mike and I need to work on not picking up the tablet/iPhone/iPad when the kids are around so that we are available to listen to what they are talking about. I know this is an area of weakness for us, but that is no excuse.

Parents, I think it is time for us to put it down, look up and see that our kids are growing up way too fast, and they shouldn’t have to do it on their own while we are distracted by the device in our hands. And when they see us putting it down, they are more likely to follow our lead and put it down as well.

What are the rules about electronic use in your house? Does it work well for you? Why or why not?

Parenting and Prayer – They Go Together

I learned pretty quickly into this parenting thing that I can’t do it.

I like order. I like plans. I like things to turn out the way I want them to turn out. That means that I want my children to be perfect and do exactly what I want them to do, when I want them to do it. I expect them to breeze through school and life and faith because I am the perfect mom and am doing everything right. Right?

Oh, how naive I was when beginning this parenting thing!

Guess what? These little people have this thing called “free will” and they exert it. Strongly. At all times. And their will often does not line up with my will for them. It is in those moments that I want to beat my head (or their’s) up against the wall.

So, if I can’t do this parenting thing, that must mean that there is help, right? Absolutely! God, the giver of these little lives into our hands, is right there, ready and willing to help us bring them up in the way they should go. He has told us that if we lack wisdom, we should ask. That is why prayer is the most necessary part of parenting. We can ask for AND RECEIVE the wisdom that we need to raise these children. But often, we don’t have any idea where to begin when praying for our kids.

When my kids were young, I found a book called The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian (link below). This short and easy to use guide-book to praying for my children has been an amazing resource for me over the years. I even have a friend who typed out all the prayers and inserted my children’s names into them, so I could have a neat little notebook of pre-printed prayers to use. These 30 prayers have been prayed over my children multiple times in their lives. Do I use them every day? No. But I do pull them out when I can, and work through them, sometimes as a part of my devotional time of an evening. These prayers cover a myriad of topics that we don’t always think about praying for our children.

As much as I would like to have concentrated time every single day to go through those prayers, I have two kids and a life, so often my prayers instead are short bursts throughout the day as I think of my kids and specific things they are going through. Right now things like an infection in Ty’s tongue, Ty’s struggles with talking too much in class, and Anne’s fears about re-breaking her thumb when she gets cleared for sports without having to wear her brace, are at the forefront in my daily prayers for my kids. These prayers are often just quick shots to the Lord as I think of them throughout the day.

In addition, I am also participating in 21-Days of Prayer for Boys (see MOB society link below) during the month of October. Ty turns 11 in just a few days, so what a wonderful birthday gift to him for me to participate in an intentional month of praying for him, as a boy. I don’t really know how to parent a boy. I was the oldest of three girls and had three nieces and a daughter before Ty was the first boy to join our immediate and extended family. Boys are different from girls. No, boys are WAY different from girls. Remember this nursery rhyme?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.
Sugar and spice and all things nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

I think they left out running (never walking), jumping (onto and off of everything), dirt, grime, sticky, unending energy, messy, hard-headed, strong-willed, and bottomless pits to the boys’ section!

I wasn’t prepared for such a difference between boys and girls, and so Ty often gets those cry out to God prayers of, “Help me, Lord, to know how to parent this boy!” That is why this 21-Days of Prayer for Boys is going to be so good for me! I get to hear from other moms of boys and know that we are all praying together for our sons for the specific areas for which boys need prayer.

There are many resources we have to go to when we don’t quite know how to pray for our children, which is good, because we can’t do this parenting thing without it. Prayer is what gets to the heart of the matter. Prayer is what gives us strength in our moments of weakness as parents. Prayer is our front line of defense for our children.

How are you praying for your children today? Let’s share some prayer requests in the comments so that we can also pray with one another for our kids!

Resources on praying for your children:

Parenting Lessons Learned – 31 Days

Today, October 1, 2014, begins a 31-Day Blogging Challenge for me and bloggers everywhere. For me, that means 31 days of sharing things I have learned (and am still learning) on the sometimes bumpy path of parenting two children.

Scroll Down to read Day 1.

Click to read the other days, I’ll be adding a link to each day once it goes live.

Day 2: Parenting and Prayer – They Go Together

Day 3: Put It Down

Day 4: CELEBRATE

Day 5: Mom’s Words of Wisdom: Parenting Your Adult Children

Day 6: Being the Bad Guy

Day 7: What We Do is What We Teach

Day 8: Someone to Call Daddy

Day 9: I Suck: Epic Fails in Parenting

Day 10: Kids, Food, and Fitness

Day 11: The Best Gift

Day 12: Faith and Family

Day 13: Money Matters

Day 14: Serving with Kids

Day 15: Things I Love About Being A Mom

Day 16: In Common

Day 17: Beautiful

Day 18: Always Open

Day 19: Dreaming About the Future

Day 20: Born to Fly

Day 21: Spare the Rod

Day 22: Giving Grace

Day 23: The Best Advice

Day 24: It Takes A Village

Day 25: Pass It On

Day 26: Take Them By the Hand

Day 27: Sweet Dreams

Day 28: Encourage Independence

Day 29: The Birds and The Bees

Day 30: Inspiration

Day 31: Forever

So, let’s begin at the beginning. How did I get here?

From a young age I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and a mother, so once I became a wife, it was only natural that the next step would be mother.

Easier said than done.

When Mike and I decided it was time to start a family, my body wasn’t convinced.

After a couple of years full of tests, pills and tears, we decided maybe it wasn’t meant to be, so we quit trying. (Read: I got fed up with the up and down of every month and being angry with God, so I decided I was done.)

Lo, and behold, in just a matter of weeks we discovered I was pregnant, and in January 2001, we welcomed sweet Anne into our lives.

And we were content with that. We weren’t going to go through the heartache of trying to have another child and God had blessed us with this one, so we were good.

God sure has a funny way of making us see just how much we are NOT in control of our lives, doesn’t he?

In January 2003, we once again found that I was expecting. It was not quite the same joyful experience this time. I had to come to terms with now having a second child that I hadn’t anticipated. And this pregnancy was way different and more difficult.

But come October 2003, Ty, the 10 pound 1 ounce, 23-1/2 inch long infant-in-a-toddler-sized-body, joined our family. And life has never been the same. In an amazingly good way.

Parenting these two has been eye-opening to say the least. I remember watching parents (before I was one) and making judgment calls about how they should or shouldn’t be handling certain situations. I remember having these ideals about how I would parent. I now know that ideals are good, but reality sometimes plays out differently, and you have to be willing to adjust on the fly.

Throughout the last 13+ years, I have learned many things about parenting, about myself, about my children, and about my God and the ways he uses these children to teach me, almost as much as he uses me to teach these children. The influence of God, my parents, and my friends, has played into the way I approach parenting. There are books I have read and resources I have used to learn more. And there is always the trial and error of the day-in and day-out challenges that teach me that no two children are the same and they require me to adjust how I relate to them.

Over the next 30 days, I am going to share some of my joys, struggles, hopes and fears with you. I will share lessons I have learned the easy way, and the hard way. I will talk about the role prayer plays in parenting, as well as the importance of being who you are and playing to those strengths. I don’t have all the answers (not even close), and I want to hear from you, as well.

Will you join me on the journey?

You can check out other 31-Days Bloggers here.